Self-Sufficient.

Tonight I went to a David Crowder praise night.
God definitely spoke to me today as I stood there and sang the lyrics of each of the songs that were played. And although most of these songs were songs I've been singing since I saw him live at Fresh 2005, the lyrics continued to hit me hard. I was getting it left and right, and God was smacking a whole lot of sense into me. As I continued to worship, I started to feel like I've felt the feeling before. It felt like the praise nights of HoC of old. The times where we would sing all out, dance all out, shout all out, and the Spirit of the Lord would be there. The times where I would feel rejuvenated after a long month of serving. The times where I could kneel on the floor, cry on the floor, and pray until I had nothing left to pray. As I drove back to San Diego, I questioned myself, "what happened?"
The problem, I concluded, came from myself. After graduating High School, after being in "leadership" for so many years, I became self-sufficient. Or so I thought. The fuel that I ran on continued to drain and drain, and even my desperate attempts of refilling myself would give me at most 1 weeks worth of spiritual energy. I tricked myself into thinking that I was self-sufficient. I had deceived myself, and all the while I was melting away from the inside out.
I got sense knocked into me today. It's time to cut the foolishness. No more messing around.

thank you Lord.