The Hub.

So yesterday I realized something so important that totally opened my eyes to things that I have completely forgotten, and have been blinded from for quite some time.
Yesterday, I was at the L.A. County Fair with some old friends from chinese school that I used to go to back when I was in elementary school. And when we separated to get our foods, I had time to just think to myself... I realized that this scene that I was in... from the drinking of alcohol, to the excessive profanity, to the no group prayers before we ate... I was out of place.
It's not that I felt uncomfortable, I mean, that's kind of how my dorming experience was. But for a summer hang out? I should be hanging out at the Hub and be doing something "productive." It reminded me of when I was younger, I had such a huge heart for these specific friends, I would pray for them everyday, I would remember to pray for them even more than I prayed for my dad. And it just.... died. I moved away, and I just forgot I guess. And that made me realize how pathetic I am.

I, subconsciously, justified my lack of prayer and reaching out to friends, by placing myself in ministries. By "serving" the church through leading small groups, leading worship, etc. And I now see how stupid I am. After last night, I see how worth it is, yeah I spend a lot more money hanging out and a fair rather than the hub, but if those extra couple bucks can be spent for the sake of the Gospel, then so be it.

Truth be told, I felt like crap. I was so blind to the fact that God has blessed me with many opportunities to fellowship with my friends, and I take it all for granted.

"God, give me the strength to spread your Gospel. Give me your eyes so i can see Your heart for the people around me."




No, this doesn't mean I won't be at the hub anymore. I still love the hub as a place where I can actually get work done. But I think this does mean I'll be doing a lot less hanging out at the hub.

Out of the teens

Well, it's been a bloody long time since I've written in the blog, although I've been meaning to for a long time...
I just want to thank everyone that celebrated/helped contribute to celebrating my birthday this year. This year definitely topped my other years of celebration, well I guess I'm usually used to a simple dinner and hanging out. But starting with a scavenger hunt in Merced (thanks gaiz). And then to the hanging out with Christine, and then others for bfast, lunch, dinner, and all the stuff in between. I wanna let you guys know that I was really touched by it, even the caking part (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=R3vWDzcd6J4).

This past year has one where I've grown tremendously. God has taken me over trials, and into a new mindset. He's blessed me with many brothers and sisters that have continued to bless me over and over. And He's given me a passion and heart for people, stronger than I've ever anticipated.
Goodness, 20 sounds old. But I know that this upcoming year God is going to challenge me even harder and grow me even more.

The biggest lesson going out of my teens? Well I guess it came the week before my birthday. God taught me, and is continuing to teach me about the importance of self-identity. And that it is so necessary to know where I stand with the Lord, why I stand with the Lord, why I struggle with the things that I do, whY i believe the things I do, etc.

My prayer for this year? David said it in Psalm 26:2
"Test me, O Lord, and try me; examine my heart and my mind"

I want to be pure before the Lord. I want to be able to pray this prayer being confident that what God finds in me is pleasing to His eyes.