Mock Blog

"Pay Attention" July 27 8:00 p.m.

It's been a while since I've written in a Blog, but here I am. Writing once again, when I should be listening into a meeting that I'm ccurrently in. To get everyone all caught up, I'm currently in my second week ino my missin's trip in China. I am by myself in my middle school/high school with my CCVs. In the beginning there were some conflicts, but through much prayer, I was able to pull through with much strength.

The CCVs here are really good to me, which is good cause I'm suffereing a lot of spiritual attacks and I need the support. Daily, personal devotional times are what keep me standing. I am currently reading Isaiah, Romans, and "The Necessity of Prayer."

Through calling Tiffany, Ruth, Grace and Catherine a lot, it is encouraging to see that they are doing well, and at the same time I get a little jealous that it seems so "chill" for them. But God is taking me through a different path, and is growing me so much more than ever.

Today I was so happy to see people come and visit me. Teaching is such a blessing and the kids are so excited when I enter the classroom.

Well I feel like "mock blogging" forever, but I have to pay attention to this meeting.

Until Next time bye bye.

Prayer requests: Pray for the hearts of those in Ba Bu (the school that I am at)

and pray for me.

Arrived in Korea

We're here in Korea! And the first thing I think to do is to blog...sigh.

Well the ride to get here was pretty long, but exciting, I got to sit next to Ruth! Two more flights left until we arrive at our destination.

Continue to keep us in your prayers! Just wanted to give y'all a short update! :)

Prayer time in the airport!

Update from Korea:

Doing devotionals, the Lord was reminding me about constantly striving for our mission, the Great Commission. I was reading in Isaiah, and in Romans 1. The verse that particularly spoke to me was Romans 1:5 and Romans 1:15.

⁵Through him and for his name's sake, we received grace and apostleship to call people from among all the Gentiles to the obedience that comes from faith.

¹⁵That is why I am so eager to preach the gospel also to you who are at Rome.

Just reading letters, e-mails, etc. from people, I'm so encouraged! Everytime I see a new e-mail I jump (in my heart) with excitement from hearing from home.

Blogging Addiction

This is my blog. This is also my addiction. This is taking up my precious time when I have last minute preparations for missions.

I'm leaving in 22 hours, and I have to clean my room, send out some e-mails, write some letters, and yet I am blogging. It's time to take the battle over to China. It's been a year since I've returned and I'm more prepared (hopefully) to fight an even harder battle. The Great Commission and "Saving lost souls" (part of Soli Deo's vision), is pushing me to my last bits of strength. I know what I'm writing probably doesn't make sense, but I just need to release it a little bit.

Well, back to work.

T-minus: 2 days.

I find myself blogging so so so much! Probably because there are so much spiritual attacks going on and flying in the air that I feel I need a place to just be at peace and release all the things that so boggle me down.

I am continually being encouraged by the fact that I have so many people to just confide in and have a multi-way conversation and time of edification (something I can't get from a blog). Just talking to people on AIM, g-chat, and over group fellowships (such as Impact and my church) gets my heart and mind prepared for China. Despite all the attacks, and finally coming out of my "emo-ish" blogging stage (hopefully this isn't temporary), I catch myself loving every second of each day that passes.

I'm looking forward to China and what it has to offer me. Reading through my past e-mails, I stumbled upon something that made me smile.

Dated 7/31/08 (China time)

GREAT NEWS EVERYONE!!! I should be eating lunch right now, but i just saved everyone (except for one) in my 3rd class of eighth graders. It was so nerve wrecking cause I was like scared half the time that people would be listening since it was right next to the real principals office and that it was next to the computer room filled with other teachers. But PRAISE THE LORD!! =)

alright, time to eat!

Thanks for prayers! Keep Praying! Still 1 and a half day left of work here at Pu Weng

With utmost love,

YY Liew

Yes, there is a typo, it was the Lord that saved everyone and not me (but shoot I was trembling out of excitement, shock, and fear because if anyone heard me I would've been dead, so cut me some slack).

And right before that an e-mail:

Dated 7/30/08 (China time)

"praying also for us, that God would open to us a door for the word, to speak the mystery of Chirst, for which I am also in chains..."(Colossians 4:3)

Hey everyone!!

I guess i'll get straight to the point since it looks like it's hard for most of you to get internet. For those of you that didn't receive my super long e-mail that i asked brittney to forward, basically the first night was really tough for me, just like being alone and stuff. Um physically it was really tough for me these last 2 days, i had a pretty bad fever and cold and all this stuff jumbled all together, it got a lot better today. Spiritually our group of Christians meet every morning for about 45 minutes to an hour? sometimes a little less. I think trying to reach out is really hard, because everyone is always so busy doing stuff. I've shared my testimony and talked a bit to some of my boys from my class and to a CCV. No response yet, and I feel that God is going to open up some doors tommorow.

Just reading Colossians 4 today on my personal devo time, Paul asked the church of Colosse (however you spell it) to "praying also for us, that God would open to us a door for the word, to speak the mystery of Chirst, for which I am also in chains..."(Colossians 4:3) PLEASE if you get this before the next 2 days, pray for me. I have one more day of teaching then the closing ceremony. It's a lot harder for me to reach the girls, but i've been getting really close to the guys here. (speaking in terms of CCVs)

So one prayer request, the same of which Paul asked of the church of Colosse. That doors would be opened.

Praise the Lord for giving me and really encouraging me with this devotional.

Godspeed everyone (in china and out)!

with His Love,

YY Liew

I remember the craziest times in China, and it's all coming back to me. Rereading these e-mails almost brings tears to my eyes, but above that it makes me SO excited for what is going to happen this year.

T-minus 46 hours in counting. But who's counting?

Rein in the Tongue

If anyone considers himself religious and yet does not keep a tight rein on his tongue...

One thing I've been learning a lot recently is to watch my speech. To keep a "tight rein on my tongue," is a lot harder than it sounds. Out of the same mouth that gives edification, leads worship, and coleads a homegroup, is the same mouth that makes fun of others, slips out profanity, and provokes anger in friends.

As much as it may be (occasionally) unintentional, frustration and tension is often the result of my speech. And if you, yes you reading, have been hurt by my words, then I apologize.

And on other occasions, my jokes, clearly recognized by those to whom I "poke fun" at, I realize can be pretty bad. My tongue is unmoderated and left un-leashed. Jokes for edification? Absolutely not.

On a more brighter note, I'm thankful to the Lord in what He has done with this tongue. Being able to speak edifying words, and sing edifying songs has been a privilege that the Lord blessed me with.

No, this post does not mean I will completely stop joking and turn all serious and stuff like that. That's like a 180 degree turn for me, can't do that, though I know some of you would like to see that. I'll still be poking fun, and joking to have fun. Just keeping it in a safe and tight rein, because if I don't, well...

...he deceives himself and his religion is worthless. (James 1:26)

LAX

I was asked the question: "By sending all these people off, is missions becoming more real for you?"

Not really knowing how to respond to the question, I jokingly replied, "I am on a mission right now."

And then as I sit in my room, with my suitcase semi-packed and thinking about how ready I am, I feel... like I'm getting less and less prepared. Not that I'm doubting that I was prepared, but that I am actually growing less and less ready.

I believe that it isn't any form of idleness, but rather a outpouring of spiritual attacks that faces me during this last frontier. Countdown? 4 days til lift off. Readiness rate? 1 week ago it was 10/10. Today? 8/10. I'm stoked at the thought of leaving, and now I'm just hoping to God I can get up back on my feet once again.

Tonight was my 4th time in a week that I've been to LAX, but this time (dear sir if you are reading this) I have been hit harder by reality.

And as much as our China team can fit into the idea of a reality TV show, with all it's obstacles and frustrations, I am blessed beyond all measure to have such a good team (as a whole China team). And the one thing that this "reality TV show" fails to cover are the behind the scenes talks and encouragements, which if brought to the "viewers" would astonish each of you.

A sister encouraged me with this: "There is power when we choose to forgive people" and behind the surface truth, I know that it is even stronger when we not just choose (out of obligation) but to willingly desire to forgive people. And praying about it, I realized that forgiveness doesn't always take the nice happy easy road, but every so often takes more than just an "I forgive you" or a "sorry," but it takes time. Time to fully heal, before a new start.

And in this time of mending, I pray for focus for the task ahead of me, that distractions will no longer push me to the edge, but that they would be so trivial that it wouldn't matter.

Lost in emotions.

First off I want to say thanks to all who read this and have that concern in talking to me after reading my "emo"ish blog posts. I am constantly being amazed at the power of RSS and at how many people read.

I'll keep this one relatively short (compared to the last one). But my current mood: lost, confused, and maybe clueless. Clueless as to what to do, lost in the circumstance, and confused about my present situation. God has been helping me get back on my feet, looking past the disappointments into the beauty of His creation.

These last few days were one heck of a time. But to add the cherry on top, I was able to worship at Pantera Park before heading over to the Chu's. Spending that time with the Lord allowed me to just calm down and reflect on my next steps. I felt the Spirit giving me the "peace that surpasseth all understanding," something I desperately needed (and need) at that point of time.

And yet, when I do what I feel the Lord is pressing me to do, a negative (or in my eyes undesired) situation is produced. I'm so lost as to what to do, and my heart is breaking. It may sound a little girly, but yes my heart feels broken into so many pieces and yet, I find no real source for this heart break. All I know is that I am clinging onto the hope in which the Lord has promised.

Lost in emotions, but found in Christ.

boom Boom BOOM

The blood boiling inside my head and through my veins.

Just realizing how many people actually read this blog, I am absolutely stunned, and at the moment I feel sorry for those of you who have to read it. This post probably not exactly meant for anyone who reads it, might touch to the worst parts about me, but shoot this is my blog. So be forewarned, don't read any further if you... well, yea.

In this time of just frustration (definitely an understatement), I find myself so amazed at how disappointed I can be. Disappointed in people, circumstances, the world, and many times the church. I know the church isn't going to be perfect, and I know that people, circumstances, nor anything except for Jesus is perfect, but still I find myself gravely dissatisfied with the crap that is going on.

And even for me, I dare not look to the Lord for His guidance, because I know what I need to fix. But at this point in time, I am defiant to the point in which I do not WANT to fix what is wrong, what has been wronged, and what can possibly go wrong.

Life feels like a Jenga game, frustrations pile higher and higher, when one SEEMS to go away, it's just added to a higher stack, higher and higher...until BAM. It all comes down, and all hell breaks loose. Don't get me wrong, I am not the type to write these emoish, poetic (or semi) posts about what I'm currently writing about. But just allow me this bittersweet moment this once.

Yes, obviously something has happened, but no, I won't give out any names or details. All I will say is this: disappointment has rounded me on every corner I've turned for the last month(s), well with all the smiles and jokes (you may ask) I am sorry to say that many times those are just merely ways to get myself momentarily out of these disappointments.

I'm sure the Christian excuse is to say this is an attack from the enemy, and with that I am very well certain that I am being attacked. But don't worry I have not lost faith, and neither is my faith wavering in the Lord's goodness, faith is merely wavering in the relationships built up around me. I know the Lord is going to show me new revelations through these trials and tribulations, and I am eagerly awaiting for when this time is over.

In 1 week I will be gone, yet I feel...well I don't know how to feel anymore. Numb, would probably be a good way of describing how I feel, how funny. Numb is how I FEEL.

There's plenty more I'd LOVE to share, but it's late. Too late. There it is...

boom Boom BOOM.

Disneyland.

Okay maybe not so much Disneyland, but downtown Disney.

Praise the Lord a CCV (Chinese College Volunteer) from my last years mission trip to China is visiting. It's a bit of an excitement, but quite an overload of estrogen. Hanging out with too many girls for too long is too weird, too awkward, and sometimes very frustrating. Going to downtown Disney and walking into the Disney store made me so happy. It's not even a childhood memory for me, but like seeing the silly stuffed animals just made me giggle inside.

It may be because I am, and was, extremely tired, but I felt the frustration being piled up and up and higher and higher. All I wanted to do was go in the corner and talk to a stuffed animal or something.

1 more week and I'll be out of here. A place where I can feel so at peace and can just be away from this nonsense. So much crap is in my head right now that I want to just burst out, but for now I'll hold it in. I'm holding it in for fear of whether this is a momentary feeling from being way too tired.

Busy-ness, after being idle for so long, seems to have lost it's flavor.

Summer time

Its 4 a.m. what am I doing up this late?

I feel tired but I can't sleep. So what do I do? Blog. About what? Nothing. Or just random ramblings...

1.5 more weeks til take off to the motherland. I keep thinking and praying for me to be prepared, but as each day goes by, I find myself proven wrong. Time is running short, I must get my act together.

New Chapter unfolding...

This, is just a presumption...a feeling that is ever so slightly tugging at my heart.

It's about 1 o'clock and after one of the longest days that I've had in a long time, I find myself staring at my computer just wanting to pour out all the emotions, feelings, praise reports, prayer requests, and visions, that I felt in the course of the last two days.

And I am extremely exhausted, but again I find the energy to put my thoughts into words...

The retreat was amazing, though I do not feel as if I have "received" a lot through the messages directly, the Lord spoke to my heart in a different way, one which pushes me to be a greater example, a greater model of a genuine Christian. Being a leader, as I've learned in the past, has it's pros and cons, but never have I felt so happy in leading a congregation in worship.

I am praising the Lord for the work done, in the growth that occurred in the members of the Youth of Livingstone Alliance Church. Growth in spiritual maturity, in a group of predominantly Middle School graduates, gave me a revelation of the endless possibilities that a group of believers can achieve with the Lord. And in that, I am now striving to push hard, to dream bigger, and to desire more.

I see people desiring God, and I pray that it is not at all just a "spiritual high" but something that will continue to reign in their, in our, hearts. This new life, this gospel, this kingdom of God, can be evident in our actions from here on out.

And as this small youth group grows, I am able to see God moving. Clearly moving. And I see a new chapter unfolding, a chapter which will take us to new heights...

Retreats Retreats Retreats

Third one in three weeks. One per weekend.

And as I sit here preparing for my teaching curriculum for my China missions trip, I'm simply exhausted. I'm so thankful that the Lord is giving me (and continuing to give me) strength to press on through each of these retreats. Though most of them seem like pretty relaxed retreats, planning, organizing, logistics, and everything else makes it so much harder.

And staring at the twit pics of those that are in AX, though at some point I would not have went even if presented with the opportunity, I would gladly seize the chance to go and "chill." No, I am not burnt out or stressed, but simply tired.

Eager to be finished with these retreats, but slightly content with the amount of business that keeps me occupied while I'm stuck at home, I find myself a little confused.

2 down, 1 more to go. Pray me God speed and God strength.