pathetic-ness

Yes, I'm pathetic and I know it, but for some odd reason I'm okay with it.

You probably won't ever see or hear about how pathetic I am, and that's fine by me.
But take a deep look into my heart and my soul, and if you're lucky enough you'll catch a glimpse of it.
A glimpse of the times and memories that still dwell in my mind.
The things that I must rid myself to press on.
The heartache is gone, and I feel numb.
But in this numbness, I find my refuge in the Lord.

Many swords...

My dad told me that I had "many swords, but none of them are sharp." I can do a lot of things pretty well, but I can't seem to excel at any one thing. As much as I try to focus everything that I have into doing something extremely well, there seems to be this barrier that just stops me, some sort of invisible ceiling. And looking back at these past few years, months, weeks, and days, I realize the one thing that I especially suck at is relationships. I wouldn't even call it a sword, probably a toy dagger, something that would be for a child to play with.
Yes, I'm talking about girl relationships, but also things like family relationships, maintaining close friends, etc. I just seem to let things slip away, and I just give up or don't care. The fact that I've lost countless of my best friends and close friends just saddens me.
And I guess if you've been around me recently, or have talked to me recently, you've probably realized that  I don't talk too much, or I don't go out too much, or I don't care about going out anymore.
I kinda want to lock myself up and hibernate til this season of my life is over...

Leather and stuff.

After my post on denim, I wanted to do a post on my leather.
The first time I got the idea to get a leather bracelet was when I went to NYC this summer and hung out with Josh, Eddie, and Chester.
On the list of stores to visit was Self-edge. When we walked into the small boutique Josh and I saw these little guys off in a showcase off to the side:

And then we decided to get similar ones without the 3sixteen emblem (it was $30 cheaper) from a leather guy named Hollows.

After a couple months of wearing them, they turned out pretty decent, though not as good as Josh's. it's a little different than wearing my denim.

Here are some pics that I recently took (pre and post oiled):

Taking pictures of my stuff makes me want to get into photography.
Btw, sorry for this post it's all over the place cause I'm trying to watch the olympics and type at the same time.

Denim and such.

After reading a blog (by Jason Joo) about jeans and stuff, I decided that I'm going to write about my experience thus far with my beloved pair of 3sixteens. It's been about 7-8 months of owning them, and about 6-7 months of wear.
I've definitely learned to appreciate them, who would've ever thought I'd spend a whole paycheck for a pair of raws? 2 years ago, I would've thought I'd gone mad. Now? I catch myself on selfedge looking enviously  at various pairs of "jawnz."
Comparing many of my fit pics (which I'll post in a bit) with those of other peoples, mine looks not nice and cleanly worn in. But the more I think about it, the more I realize that how it is worn in is the result of what I've gone through with it, and it makes me realize that I have invested hours and hours into them. I've went through the criticism of friends that think it's dirty and disgusting, I've had to fight off my dad from washing them, I've backpacked in them (too crazy), and so much more.
I remember in HS wearing a size 34 waist ecko hand-me downs, and now i'm wearing size 28 raws... such a  crazy change.
I don't have much more to say, after all they are just a pair of jeans, a nice hobby, a nice project, something interesting and different.

but here is my 3sixteen denim contest submission:

Hi Self-Edge and 3sixteen,

My name is YY Liew.

Forum names (even though I don't really use): yyliew (for Sufu and Style Forum)

My order number is 4558.

Jeans: ST-100X Waist: 28

Getting the Jeans: Since getting my jeans in May '09, I realized I've been through a lot with them. In the beginning I was really skeptical about getting the slim leg since I was used to wearing baggy clothes. Used to wear hand-me downs from my older step brother who had a waist of 34. So, this is my first pair of raws that I've ever bought so I definitely wanted  to try something new. At first wear I really thought that it was going to be a long time before these would stretch out to become nice and fitting, but after a couple weeks it started to fit nicely. I started to enjoy, and get used to, the feel of the slim leg, and trying any other pair of non-slims just felt weird.

Where I've been: During the summer I decided to bring my jeans with me to travel. I went to Korea, China, and Hong Kong. I was teaching English in rural China, and the jeans kept my legs protected during our daily 3+ mile hikes to visit families (through corn rows, across mountains, etc.).  I always went back to New York (born and raised in NY, moved to Cali) for a month to visit family and friends, and traveled the city. And the last big thing that I've done with my jeans is a 3 day backpacking trip (yea it sounds stupid). But, the jeans were the things that saved my life, they were like a second layer of skin that protected me from the cold. We hiked through the rain, through the mud, I even slept in them they were on me the whole 3 days. 

Wear/Tear/Fades/Soaks: The small holes in the back left pocket are from carrying my pocket knife with me.  Phone fade, chapstick fade, wallet fade, slight knife fade, and I tried getting my business cards to set in a fade, but they're too flimsy. I've only soaked them once recently (about two weeks ago), the reason being is that I didn't think I needed to wash or soak them before is because they never were stinky or dirty, I believe I've taken pretty good care of them.

Overall Experience: These jeans have been amazing, and I know I'm just getting started. I'm looking forward to these upcoming months to year in wearing these jeans. Even though I had to save my earnings for forever, and had to endure my mom going ballistics on me, these jeans were definitely worth the investment. Thanks Self-Edge and 3sixteen.

btw, these pictures are taken right outside of the UCSD library:

Pictures are taken and planned by Jared Ng.

Hawaiian Roller Coaster Ride.

If you're reading this off of a blog reader, come to my site right now! This song makes me so happy.

For many a good reasons, this song just recently came into my head. It's definitely a lot less serious than the next song, "Words that You Say" by Something Like Silas.
But just coming back from one of the most amazing day boarding trips @ Mt. High, I definitely feel like today's trip was a lot like a roller coaster ride. From the many jumps that I was able to take off and successfully land on, to my downhill accelerations because I was resting my thighs and saving them from carving. I definitely had one of the most fun times on the slopes today.

Aside from that, life these past weeks is like one gigantic roller coaster ride. I've definitely been through the storm and through the calm (thought it's definitely been much more storm than calm). I'm ready to keep on going through this Lord, through the rain and through the shine, just please continue to pour into me Your strength.

Song: Be strong and have faith in the Lord...

I'm not sure if those are the right lyrics, but as I was driving back today, those words hit me.

Being completely truthful, things have been hard on me. From the busy-ness of internship and work, to the on going attacks on my heart and mind, I'm being pushed and pulled around. And just when I thought that I had everything all under control, the pain just starts to tear at my heart again. Just when things get "good" I get proved wrong... I'm not as strong as I thought I was and I DEFINITELY can't put up this front any longer.
It takes true strength to have faith in the Lord, any man can put up a front and make things seem okay... I guess I'm writing too much, time to sleep.

Lord, I give You full control. I can't do this anymore, here's my heart, make it whole again.

Reblog: "Until a man learns to deal..."

reblog: Victorschun


“Until a man learns to deal with the fact that life is hard, he will spend his days chasing after the wrong things, using all his energies trying to make life comfortable, soft, nice, and that is no way for any man to spend his life.”

- john eldredge

Growing up and productiveness...

Today was a fairly productive day.

Started to file my taxes (almost done)
Finished writing and sent out my Trial by Declaration (for my speeding ticket)
Scheduled various appointments
Studied for my midterm
and now sleeping early.

I feel productive and I feel like I'm growing up.

Starcraft.

This past week I bought Starcraft at gamestop... probably one of the worst decisions that I've made in a while. But at the same time it does seem to take my mind off of things...

Zamorano Elementary

Taking a little study break...

This week was my first week working at the Elementary School. After a long exhausting day of wild and overly mature middle school and high school kids, I get to work with the nice little elementary schoolers.
On my first day there were so many kids that reminded me of my last years elementary school kids, and I started to miss those kids and wondered what happened to them.
The difference between these cute kids in inner city san diego and those of rich la jolla, is that...well it's the same difference between Lincoln HS and DBHS (described in my last post). But nonetheless they were really cute.
I got to work with this girl named Abryna who is mildly retarded, but is really fun to talk to

She's writing about how she would like to meet Helen Keller and what she do with her.
"I wud lik to go shaping (shopping) wit hur and tek hur to my haus to was (watch) the stors (stars)"

Abraham Lincoln High School.

Chemistry.

The last time I touched Chemistry was a sophomore in High School and I did pretty okay. But to tutor the subject? GOLLY! I have to relearn the stuff, and learn it well enough to teach it! The concept was absolutely absurd, I mean... I'm a sociology major for a reason. The chemistry class that I help in comes right after my mile drive from Gompers.
I was half expecting the students in Lincoln HS to be as unmotivated (or from what I've seen) as the Gompers students that I work with. But to my surprise, these students are really smart. Breaking all sorts of stereotypes that minorities such as African Americans and Latinos fit into, I was blown away. Their combination of wit, loudness, and rough comments with their intellect was pretty amazing.

So imagine this (if you went to DB or Walnut HS): Take your Asian and White population, and your Latino and African American student population, and flip it. And there you go that is Lincoln High School. They all dress normal, do normal things (making out in hallways, running around, etc.) and are just like the HS students we know here in suburban california. It shouldn't be THAT mind blowing really, but because in Gompers everyone is younger and is required to wear a uniform, it is a huge switch.
Walking to the chemistry class from the main office is a long walk, and each time I take that walk, the bells go off and students swarm the campus for the 6 minutes, then disappear as quickly as they came. In that 6 minute time frame, I get really nostalgic. I remember all the memories of High School, all the close relationships, the friends, the teachers, the interaction, and I miss it a lot. Even though the racial make up isn't anything like what DB has, it brings back memories of good, carefree times.

I guess all those times disappear with age and responsibility huh?

~
on a side note, I'm really excited to be working with the HSers they are filled with so much energy, and give a lot of respect towards me.