End of 2013

2 more days until the end of the year, and as I reflect upon the things I've done and learned this past year I feel empty. It really has been the most unproductive year for me.

Being in New York, away from everything home has allowed me to step back and realize that even though I finished my first semester of grad school, I really feel like I haven't done squat. It stinks to realize that 365 days are wasted just like that. And that it sucks to have that feeling where everything that I've done was for nothing.

I need to step it up.

2014 get ready for me.

Defeated.

It hit me, and it hit me hard today. K.O. after K.O. just when I thought it couldn't get worse it did.
Today was the first time I have ever felt like this. Reality hit me hard in my relationship today, that things are not always what you hope for or want. And I know it's my fault, but there are no words that seem to be able to repair the damage.
I guess the first step is admitting... I'll admit I have an anger problem. And it has taken it's toll on this relationship. This one flaw is the undoing of my relationship with Eugenia. Right now it seems like there are no amount of rights can right this wrong.
Then I found out that I have to take a leave of absence from school because I did not pass one of my subtests of the CSET. I cannot believe that I am so dumb... When my advisor told me that I needed to take the leave of absence, it felt like I had just smashed against a rock wall. I went numb.
Trying to think positively about my situation is only putting a bandaid on my wounds. The wound is still there, fresh and open as ever. My drive home seemed like an eternity. The only way I could describe the feeling was that I felt defeated.

Jesus, I know that everything happens for a reason. Maybe this is your way of drawing me back to you, please forgive me for forgetting my first love. Please let me understand what you are doing in this time, because I am clueless and blind.

The Next Big Thing Is Here

Lining up for the iPhone 4 3 years ago was pretty intense. When the 5 came shipped to my house I remember being super giddy and excited. I love new things and that's why I can't wait for this Sunday.

No it's not the new iPad or some new apple product. This is bigger and better than any apple product will ever be.

This upcoming Sunday is going to be the launch of Redeemer SD.
I don't want to overhype it. But it's going to be EPIC.
This launch is to celebrate the merge of Harbor North County and NCPC.

Christian or non-Christian I encourage you all to come check it out this weekend!
1831 S El Camino Real
Encinitas, CA

And call me if you need a ride or have questions!

Back to School

1st day of grad school was... super tiring. I promised myself that I would be excited and that I would be really ontop of doing taking notes, doing work and stuff like that. But 6 hours of nonstop class is pretty tiring.

But aside from that I am really blessed to be at such a beautiful school. I am glad that I have counselors and teachers that actually remember my name, and that make an effort to reach out to me. I am so thankful that I had the chance to attend such an amazing public school like UCSD, but super thankful that I can attend a private school.

2 years is going to be really short, especially since I don't live on campus. I want to take ahold of every second that I get to spend there with my teachingmates and professors.

Thank you Lord for bringing me here. Let me honor you by working hard.

6 yrs. and counting

The other night I was sitting in my living room, staring at my suitcase that has so faithfully served me the past 4 years, I came to a realization of how lucky and blessed I am.

I am seriously so blessed with opportunities each summer to reach out to those who so desperately need  the Gospel. To many people, it just seems like something I just do, something that I save my summers for... but truthfully the past couple of years it's been quite the struggle leaving comfortable America for a hot, sticky, humid China.

I found myself doubting... Is it really God's will for me to go on these short term trips? Or am I just doing it because it's just what I do? If I really have a heart for the people of China, why don't I just go long term?

At the moment, I don't have an answer for any of these questions. But what has encouraged me and is driving me now is understanding that it really isn't what I do that counts, but rather what God has done.
In order to be ready to preach the Gospel to others, I need to be constantly preaching it to myself.

With that being said, I'm extremely excited for my 6th trip to China. I am excited to see what He is going to do this time. I have been blessed to see His movement in China and I know that this year there will be even more opportunities.

Please keep me in your prayers, I will be going on two back to back trips in China this time. And it will be quite interesting serving in two different types of missions trips.

At the same time, pray also for us, that God may open to us a door for the word, to declare the mystery of Christ, on account of which I am in prison (Colossians 4:3)

complacency

It hasn't been a year yet, but I feel like I've reached a level of complacency in my relationship and everything just feels so stagnate. It's mostly my fault, because I realize I've stopped pursuing her.
Despite everything that she's been doing for me, I can't find it in me to just appreciate how far she's come.

There's no real excuse I guess that I can make. I just need to step it up.

Biggest blessing... ever.

SF trip (my Christmas present!)