You know that feeling of uncertainty when you let someone drive your car. The possibility of crashing, and ruining your... gah not feeling in the mood to really blog.
God, please take control of this situation. I'm tired of this, I just want things to be better.
Monday, October 31, 2011
Friday, October 21, 2011
Suffering produces Hope.
"Not only that, but we rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance, and endurance produces character, and character produces hope, and hope does not put us to shame, because God's love has been poured into our hearts through the Holy Spirit who has been given to us."
(Romans 5:3-5 ESV)
Not exactly sure where I'm going with this post, but... whatevs, late night rambling. It's hard thinking that Paul was rejoicing in his suffering, because... well suffering is painful. Trying to be patient and enduring through insults and crude jokes is really hard. Even in times where these jokes are more for fun, I find it harder and harder to handle.
I mean from freshmen year when it was just david, it was pretty funny at times. But as each year passed, more and more people caught on that I wouldn't mind if I was made fun of. And honestly, I didn't care. until this year. Recently I've caught myself getting so angry that I imagined myself blasting the next person that annoyed me. And so many opportunities came, except I restrained myself because there were people who would probably misunderstand the situation if I did release my frustrations.
I get a lot of people asking why I let people push me around, and why I let people say the things they do. And as I was thinking about it tonight, I couldn't come up with a real answer. I mean, I'm not the type of person that'll blow up on my own friends, I also don't feel like I'd hold things against people for small, lame, insignificant jokes. But when it boils down to it, I realize that if I do try to "fight back," I'll just be blasted more. I guess you can call me scared, call me whatever you want. In the end, I hope that I will be able to grow from this and be filled with God's love.
(Romans 5:3-5 ESV)
Not exactly sure where I'm going with this post, but... whatevs, late night rambling. It's hard thinking that Paul was rejoicing in his suffering, because... well suffering is painful. Trying to be patient and enduring through insults and crude jokes is really hard. Even in times where these jokes are more for fun, I find it harder and harder to handle.
I mean from freshmen year when it was just david, it was pretty funny at times. But as each year passed, more and more people caught on that I wouldn't mind if I was made fun of. And honestly, I didn't care. until this year. Recently I've caught myself getting so angry that I imagined myself blasting the next person that annoyed me. And so many opportunities came, except I restrained myself because there were people who would probably misunderstand the situation if I did release my frustrations.
I get a lot of people asking why I let people push me around, and why I let people say the things they do. And as I was thinking about it tonight, I couldn't come up with a real answer. I mean, I'm not the type of person that'll blow up on my own friends, I also don't feel like I'd hold things against people for small, lame, insignificant jokes. But when it boils down to it, I realize that if I do try to "fight back," I'll just be blasted more. I guess you can call me scared, call me whatever you want. In the end, I hope that I will be able to grow from this and be filled with God's love.
Friday, October 14, 2011
starbucks.
The smell of expresso,
the coolness of the A/C,
the relaxing music,
starbucks.
It's been a while since I've had a good day to myself. And honestly what better way to spend it than at starbucks.
Things have been quite a bit hectic recently, but Senior year is definitely one I'm going to remember. In the short 3 weeks that we've had so far feels like a years worth. Through all of this hectic-ness, I find so much peace in just... being by myself.
Having time to reflect and think about the things going on my life and (hopelessly) trying to organize emotions and thoughts, for lack of better terms, is liberating. These days I wake up thinking to myself, that I have a choice to live all out, or half-assed (excuse the language). And that if I wanted to give my 100%, it is purely my decision. ANd this thought hit me:
How dare I not settle for less than what I deserve, when I'm not giving God all that He deserves.
That's when I saw the fullness and beauty of God's grace. That, in spite of me living such a complacent lifestyle, I still dare to ask God for more...
I realized a lot of things about myself, how I need to step up my game in studying, how much i need to find rest in God, how pathetic I really am, and a lot about my future... but I'll save those for another starbucks day.
adios.
the coolness of the A/C,
the relaxing music,
starbucks.
It's been a while since I've had a good day to myself. And honestly what better way to spend it than at starbucks.
Things have been quite a bit hectic recently, but Senior year is definitely one I'm going to remember. In the short 3 weeks that we've had so far feels like a years worth. Through all of this hectic-ness, I find so much peace in just... being by myself.
Having time to reflect and think about the things going on my life and (hopelessly) trying to organize emotions and thoughts, for lack of better terms, is liberating. These days I wake up thinking to myself, that I have a choice to live all out, or half-assed (excuse the language). And that if I wanted to give my 100%, it is purely my decision. ANd this thought hit me:
How dare I not settle for less than what I deserve, when I'm not giving God all that He deserves.
That's when I saw the fullness and beauty of God's grace. That, in spite of me living such a complacent lifestyle, I still dare to ask God for more...
I realized a lot of things about myself, how I need to step up my game in studying, how much i need to find rest in God, how pathetic I really am, and a lot about my future... but I'll save those for another starbucks day.
adios.
Sunday, October 9, 2011
Impact: 4 years later...
Today was possibly one of the craziest days I've had in a long time. Girls football practice, guys IM practice, Missions booth @the hill, then impact praise night. I remember 4 years ago, when the Christian club leaders of Diamond Bar, Walnut, Rowland, Wilson, Troy, and... I forget who else gathered at Lawrence's garage to meet about doing the huge praise night. And to see it happening again 4 years later, under the same name, and with the same purpose, brings me so much joy.
One thing I learned tonight. God is moving whether or not we see it.
To you impact members and leaders: Keep the fire rolling, you have our (older peoples) prayer and covering!
One thing I learned tonight. God is moving whether or not we see it.
To you impact members and leaders: Keep the fire rolling, you have our (older peoples) prayer and covering!
Saturday, October 8, 2011
childlike worship.
Tonight was one of the few times where I had the opportunity to see worship in its purest form. From the ages of 4 to 14, I led worship for a babysitting type of job for a church. And as we sang Making Melodies, I saw that these kids enjoyed singing these songs so much! And obviously they enjoyed it because it was a fun song, but when I asked if they knew what the song meant, I heard responses that blew me away. Things like "it means we can worship God from our hearts no matter who we are, what we look like, or what we do."
And as I taught them the chorus of Holy is the Lord, I saw these kids so ready to learn and sing with nothing else in mind except praising the Lord.
So many times we place doubt on how much these kids can really know about God, but tonight I learned that it's not really about the age, but how much you're willing to bring to God.
And tonight, I saw that these kids were laying it all down.
And as I taught them the chorus of Holy is the Lord, I saw these kids so ready to learn and sing with nothing else in mind except praising the Lord.
So many times we place doubt on how much these kids can really know about God, but tonight I learned that it's not really about the age, but how much you're willing to bring to God.
And tonight, I saw that these kids were laying it all down.
Thursday, October 6, 2011
Promises from a true King.
"Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest."
It's been a while since I've blogged or even journaled. But as I finished up my devotions today, I saw how fast these past two weeks have been. It's already near the end of second week, and I've been so busy and caught up with hw, work, volunteer, ministries, church, that the few moments I have to myself is feels like a breath of fresh air.
You know the feeling when you just want to go back to the good ole' stress-free high school days? Or better yet the times when you used to play in the park in elementary school? I used to feel that so often, so much that it came to the point of me living in the past. I've learned that once you snap back to the reality of life, and see how God has blessed you more than you can imagine, thats when you can live life to its full potential.
It's not about what you wish you could do, or what you want to do, but rather it's what you're doing now. And in this time where I'm so busy with all of my ministries, I realize that there is no place I'd rather be. Sure, I could be spending my time a little more on my education, or working to earn a couple extra bucks. But I'd so rather be blessing and encouraging those around me in service.
I'll admit, it does get tiring. It gets so tiring to the point where me Extrovert starts to slowly become an introvert. But I was convicted through my devotions, that it's not about me. That my strength does not come from myself, but rather it's through going to Christ.
It honestly feels a little bit like my senior year HS days when I had 3 Club leadership positions, a whole lot of church ministry, and homegroup. I reflect on what I learned back in those days, and I see that God has been carefully laying out the stepping stones to get to this point.
No turning back.
It's been a while since I've blogged or even journaled. But as I finished up my devotions today, I saw how fast these past two weeks have been. It's already near the end of second week, and I've been so busy and caught up with hw, work, volunteer, ministries, church, that the few moments I have to myself is feels like a breath of fresh air.
You know the feeling when you just want to go back to the good ole' stress-free high school days? Or better yet the times when you used to play in the park in elementary school? I used to feel that so often, so much that it came to the point of me living in the past. I've learned that once you snap back to the reality of life, and see how God has blessed you more than you can imagine, thats when you can live life to its full potential.
It's not about what you wish you could do, or what you want to do, but rather it's what you're doing now. And in this time where I'm so busy with all of my ministries, I realize that there is no place I'd rather be. Sure, I could be spending my time a little more on my education, or working to earn a couple extra bucks. But I'd so rather be blessing and encouraging those around me in service.
I'll admit, it does get tiring. It gets so tiring to the point where me Extrovert starts to slowly become an introvert. But I was convicted through my devotions, that it's not about me. That my strength does not come from myself, but rather it's through going to Christ.
It honestly feels a little bit like my senior year HS days when I had 3 Club leadership positions, a whole lot of church ministry, and homegroup. I reflect on what I learned back in those days, and I see that God has been carefully laying out the stepping stones to get to this point.
No turning back.
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