Adios.

this is for myself.

Easter

10 years ago I was easter egg hunting with my church, looking for those cheap plastic easter eggs filled with m&m's and Reese's pieces

5 years ago I was overnight camping to make sure nobody stole easter eggs and pancake breakfast stuff with my boy scout troop

4 years ago I was baptized on Easter day

Last year I drove all the way back for Good Friday/Easter service with Livingstone

This year, I'm staying in San Diego celebrating with the SD/Harbor fam.

my how things have changed.

Stubborness

is going into something and knowing that you're going to get hurt in the end, but still going into it anyway.

story of my life.

With much power comes...

much responsibility.

Today I came to the point where I wished I had never done any of this at all. I think it might've been easier if I just kept with the routine of going back home each weekend.

This quarter has been quite the frustrating one. I've dug myself into a hole so deep that I don't think I can get myself out of. In the past four weeks I've had more disagreements with people, gotten angry at people, made more "enemies", heard crap being talked about me by others.. more than any other time in my entire life.

I might be exaggerating certain things a bit, but that's how I generally feel at the moment. I know I have my shortcomings. I know I've made many mistakes. I know I've slipped. Believe me, I know I'm human.

And in this time of weakness, I remember a prayer I prayed at the end of last quarter.
"Lord, challenge me, test me, try me, break me because... I am too comfortable"

Now, it all makes sense. Sure, I could have skipped all this "drama" if I went back home every week. But I would have missed out on all these strong relationships and friendships that I've built over these few months.

thank you God for listening to my prayer. continue to break me. continue to grow me.

Home sweet Home.

I miss everything about home. Family, Friends, Church, late night hang outs, sneaking my dogs into my room so I can sleep with them at night, catching up on random e-mailing and work at the hub, midnight walks with the dogs to just think about life, and I even surprisingly miss the long drives to and fro Diamond Bar.

Ever since I've started staying in SD more, I've had more time to do have fun and enjoy life with people here in San Diego. But each time I head back to Diamond Bar, I realize that I miss my community back at home so much. Things are always changing, but yet they seem to stay the same.

The thing I love about home is mostly just the intimacy of friendships. Being able to call up Victor and just hang out in the wee hours of the night, playing pool and talking about life just makes life so... relieving. I love being able to be 100% completely myself without having to worry about my actions.

And the nights where I can just relieve all my thoughts into the night sky while walking my dogs... those are by far my favorite moments. The nights where I just need a break from the world and I just walk with me and my kiddos to wherever, just thinking about life and everything.

Home sweet Home.

Singleness commitment.

I'm one and a half years into a two year singleness commitment. Even though the road has been quite bumpy from the beginning of the commitment, I realize how much I've grown spiritually and emotionally in this stage of my life.
God has revealed so much more of Him as I search to know and pursue His heart before I pursue any woman's heart.
The sad thing that I came to a realization today is that not many people believe that I could keep such a commitment with the Lord. And then I remembered despite what people think, I do this not for men but for God. I do not do these things to prove to people that I can, but rather so that God can be pleased with my actions.

exhausting

The past 24 hours have been really physically and mentally draining.
Mafia til 5 am in the morning. Getting 2 hours of sleep. Drove back to SD for church. Softball practice for 2 hours. Quick 1 hour nap. Basketball at rimac. And finally home. Hopefully I get 5 hours of sleep before work then.... my first test tomorrow for korean and I'm so... screwed.

God give me strength.

Slump.

After a fun day of softball (despite losing our first game), I had a lot to reflect on. One thought led to another and I ended up thinking a lot about my spiritual walk. And the one word that I could sum it all up with is "slump." There's not really much more to say, except that in this slump, I've been lazy, I have pushed my devotionals and prayer times aside for much less meaningful things.
It's time to recheck my priorities.