Sweet China...

Yea it's 2 a.m. here in NY but I can't seem to sleep. Though I can't say I really tried to sleep. So what better to do than blog a little right?

Coming back from missions, I realize that this year I didn't "leave my heart in China." But at the same time, I didn't really have to leave it there, it was already there. One day in LA, then straight to New York, and the one thing I realize is that the fact that I miss China. A lot.

At this moment, I would give everything that I have to go back to China, to a people who need Love. In China, I feel so free and at peace. In New York, I feel like a caged bird, unable to spread my wings and fly. In China, I have the language barrier but I can still talk. In New York, I have the language, but I can't even open my mouth. China, sweet sweet China.

The reason why I am writing all of this is because I got into a HUGE argument with my dad, and when I looked at my China journal, I was immediately reminded of the last month that I spent in China. Though I know it is not true, I feel that there is such a strong attack from the enemy, that the Lord's presence is almost nowhere to be found.

California sounds so good right now. I miss church, tenjus, the hub, my family, the list can go on forever...

So I'll end with this: I await my return to California. But even more than that, I await my return to China.

Expectations...

Growing up, I thought that my parents' expectations were for me to go to college. I mean despite my parents getting divorced, and me not living with my dad, I thought being raised in an chinese family meant that I was fully expected to concentrate my all in my studies to be the first (in my direct family) to go to college. And each summer, as I got older, when I came to New York, I found my dad being more and more disappointed in me. Disappointed in the fact that I was becoming "more like my mother" (since my stay here, I've probably heard that more than 50 times). And it's not that I am ashamed to be like my mom, because she is one of the strongest people I have ever known, but it's the fact that he puts it in such a negative tone that it makes me so angry. (There are so many things that I can write but I'll keep this on topic).

And so during a conversation today, I saw that my effort in working to get in college (and by God's grace I am in UCSD), my efforts in High School to help others, and my effort to help support my own college tuition were all meaningless and almost nonexistent in his eyes. Sometimes I wished that I could take him on a tour of my life, to see not just the pain, but the way that I overcame it, to become the person that I am. Maybe then he wouldn't be so eager to say how disappointed he was in me, maybe then he wouldn't say "you're too young you don't understand the world," and perhaps then he might open his heart to a world so invisible because of his hard heart.

To be completely honest, I've given up, lost almost all hope. 2 years ago, I got mad at my mom for saying that my dad is too stubborn, that we cannot do anything to save him, but if there was some hope for him, it would be the Lord. 1 year ago, I was frustrated when my mom told me to not argue with him and just let him win. And now this year, I see the truth and wisdom behind all that my mom said. Yes, I have given up on trying to show him how good I am (or that I think I'm good) but I haven't given up on praying for him, it's all God now.

But that's not the end of my post, my realizations go a bit further than that.

In all of these really frustrating thoughts, I see the Lord's purpose in everything. By God's grace I am in college (and a good one at that), but what I had wrong was that it wasn't for my dad, but for my Dad. I served in High School not to prove myself to my dad, but to further the kingdom of my Dad. I worked in college for my tuition, not so I could show how responsible I am to my dad, but to show my Dad that I am grateful for everything that He has provided for me. There's so much that I can say, but to keep it short I'll leave it at those three main points. For the first time with all truth and honesty I can say that I'm glad the Lord had my parents divorced and that I went with my mom to California. Now I am going to take what I have and I am going to soar with it.

Not with my dad's expectations, but for my Dad's expectations.

Pictures of China

During my last three days in New York, I've been going through most of the pictures from this year's mission's trip. There are a little less than 30 gbs of pictures and video and I wanted to filter it out.

While looking at each picture I came to the realization of why I felt slightly unsatisfied during this year's trip to China.

Frankly, it's because I did not give it my all, my all to push myself out of my comfort zone and my all to see the Lord's work done in Guizhou. I felt like many times it was me that was running , but I know that if I was to give my all, it would be my all to have God move through me, to course through my very veins, my very thoughts, and my very words.

I tried so hard to look for every opportunity to "plant the seeds" but when those opportunities came, I was too scared to open my mouth. I tried so hard to find every chance to "water the seeds" but was too focused on what I can do, and not what the Lord could do.

My mindset was all about me, it was all about what I could do and what I could say. As I continued to reflect upon the things that happened, I realized that I had a good time. A too damn good time.

And now as we go into a full year of preparation for next year's TGS Missions, I'm going to give it my all, I'm going to give God my all.

jetlagged.

It's 4 am. here in NY. And it's also 4 p.m. in China. 12 hour difference and it's killing me...

So today I finally arrived in NY (after missing my flight) at 7 a.m. with approximately 1 hour of sleep. For the plane ride I sat next to a girl who was mad sick, and a guy that moved around so much when he was sleeping. But adrenaline kept me moving, went to church, ate lunch, and watched district 9. By a little more than half of the movie, I got drowsy, then I fell asleep by 3/4 of the movie, and when it was over and got woken up, I felt like a zombie. I was so tired and all I wanted was to go home and sleep... And that's exactly what I did.

I slept and slept and slept all the way until now. 4:08 am.

I'm so jetlagged and so jacked up.

it continues...

Yes, it's 12:30 and I'm so tired, but I can't help it. I'm back in the States and I can get on blogspot to just have a quick (hopefully) not too long LNR.

This mission's trip was such a new experience, God definitely broke down all expectations that I had. I was confronted with a brand new situation that was totally unlike my 2008 TGS teaching experience. The students were different, the school was different, the rules were different, and the list goes on and on. (btw, by different I mean almost exactly opposite of how things were last year). Also working with mostly girls (especially in the beginning) was kind of tough, but definitely a new learning experience. I hope that I can share more later on, but for now. tata.

Leaving for NY tomorrow!

I'm Backkkk!

No! Not from China...at least not yet.

But I'm back to blogging, thanks Jackie for helping me post stuff. China didn't let me access my blog, but now I'm in Hong Kong so it's really cool that I get to use everything on the internet.

Today we arrived in Hong Kong from Shenzhen, and we just chilled walked around the harbor and had a lot of "chill" time. Looking forward to just relaxing these next couple days.

The mission trip was really good and I can't wait to blog more about it, but for now it's quite late and I need to wake up early tomorrow!

Goodnight blog,

YY

last week at my school!!!!!!

Last week teaching here at Ba Bu and I'm getting really excited to see what the Lord is going to do.

This last Sunday we had church service at Cat's school, pretty legit I'll blog about it when I have time.

Pray for us!

Mock Blog 2

Title: Unexpectedness in China

date: August 2nd

This Sunday morning I was eagerly awaiting the arrival of Grace and David, little did I know what the Lord had in store for me before they came.

We (the Christians CCVs at our school) decided to go to church and take some of our students with us. When we arrived at the church we found that their service wasn't until later, but when some people saw us, they called all their members. But their pastor wouldn't arrive until later, but they still wanted to have service. Before singing songs began, they asked me to give a message. I had no idea what was going on, and before I had a chance to respond they started singing.

Not really understanding their songs I walked outside to pray about what I was about to preach about. Having a crowd of old Christians, some working aged ones, and a handful of non Christians which we brought with us. I was debating between unity and Love. After praying hard for the next couple minutes, I felt the Lord tugging at my heart to talk about the latter.

Miraculously, (more specifically through God's grace) I gave a 30 minute message (that's with translations) about Love and it was pretty good.

God is doing so much in this place, please continue to pray for me!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Title: Praise the Lord!

August 6

A good friend of mine from last year who helped me spread the Gospel last year, arrived today, his name is Paul. I was so happy to hear of his arrival (since he came just for me!) that in the middle of class I just froze and was speechless for a minute. Anyway, that is not the point of this blog.

The point is, Paul came just in time to help me talk about the Bible and the four spiritual laws to my student. This student's name is David, he is in highschool and really is a good kid. He takes me around a lot and in the last two weeks I was able to talk to him a lot about God. But tonight was especially particular. At the end of the four spiritual laws comes the sinner's prayer. Not being sure if he was ready I told him that he had time and that there was still a week left before I left, but he replied with these exact words "wo xin li xian zai hen gao xin" (my heart is very happy right now). And so he prayed the sinner's prayer.

Continue to pray for us please we really need it!

~~~~~~

Title: Pu Weng

Date: August 7

I'll keep this one short and simple. Pu Weng is the name of the school that I went to last year. I am also going to visit the school tomorrow. I'm particularly going to see a couple of students that were saved last year. Pray for them, their names are Cloud and Cindy.

The day after (Sunday) I'm going to see Catherine, Shannie, and Danny at their school. Our schools are going to meet up and also have a church service so pray for that!

Here's the itinerary for the church service:

Welcome: Cat

Worship: YY

Word:

Testimony: Grace

Message: Paul and YY

Worship (after message): Danny

Works: Led by Grace

Still a bit not set, but pray for things to go well, a lot of people that we're inviting have ready hearts and I think so much can be done!

God Bless and Love from China,

YY

E-mail 2 from China:

Dear everyone!

1 week of this summer camp is over! And I have a weekend break, while 2 of the other schools, Jane and Cat's have saturday school. haha. Anyway, this last week has been quite adventurous and very tiring. But everytime I look at the students and how they work hard and are so happy, I'm reenergized.

The students here are a little crazy sometimes, but it's not as much of a problem for me as an english teacher since they really like me and my class. But this week, I had to rotate between every single class every day. It was difficult, but necessary since all the students wanted the "american teacher," when Grace and David come tomorrow it'll be so much easier!

But as for things that I've experienced this week: I went Jia Fang and saw students houses, I went to "gan ji" the street market that happens once a week, yesterday I sat ontop of someone's ox (cause my student said it was fun), my students carried me off to go pick some peaches (one of the juciest I've ever tasted, it was funny cause I had to do something importatnt, but they picked me up and brought me to the peach trees), I went looking for some freshwater eels that live in the rice patties (or some sort of patties), I found out my kid roommate (one of the TGS workers nephews) pees in our room in the corner, and most importantly that God has placed on my heart these two students Carol and Maria. Carol is only a 7th grader but she places so much emphasis on her studies, lives on 1 yuan (15 cents) a day, she lives by herself, cooks for herself, manages herself so well, it breaks my heart but I really feel that God is calling me to reach out to her. I've walked her home (with some other CCVs) two nights in a row and got to talk to her just about random stuff.

Anyway, pray for their hearts, and also pray for strength for me. I'm relieved that Grace and David are coming tomorrow night!

Halfway done! But keep praying, I'm trying to make the most of the time here, but I feel so tired a lot of the time.

Love from China,

YY