Just realizing how many people actually read this blog, I am absolutely stunned, and at the moment I feel sorry for those of you who have to read it. This post probably not exactly meant for anyone who reads it, might touch to the worst parts about me, but shoot this is my blog. So be forewarned, don't read any further if you... well, yea.
In this time of just frustration (definitely an understatement), I find myself so amazed at how disappointed I can be. Disappointed in people, circumstances, the world, and many times the church. I know the church isn't going to be perfect, and I know that people, circumstances, nor anything except for Jesus is perfect, but still I find myself gravely dissatisfied with the crap that is going on.
And even for me, I dare not look to the Lord for His guidance, because I know what I need to fix. But at this point in time, I am defiant to the point in which I do not WANT to fix what is wrong, what has been wronged, and what can possibly go wrong.
Life feels like a Jenga game, frustrations pile higher and higher, when one SEEMS to go away, it's just added to a higher stack, higher and higher...until BAM. It all comes down, and all hell breaks loose. Don't get me wrong, I am not the type to write these emoish, poetic (or semi) posts about what I'm currently writing about. But just allow me this bittersweet moment this once.
Yes, obviously something has happened, but no, I won't give out any names or details. All I will say is this: disappointment has rounded me on every corner I've turned for the last month(s), well with all the smiles and jokes (you may ask) I am sorry to say that many times those are just merely ways to get myself momentarily out of these disappointments.
I'm sure the Christian excuse is to say this is an attack from the enemy, and with that I am very well certain that I am being attacked. But don't worry I have not lost faith, and neither is my faith wavering in the Lord's goodness, faith is merely wavering in the relationships built up around me. I know the Lord is going to show me new revelations through these trials and tribulations, and I am eagerly awaiting for when this time is over.
In 1 week I will be gone, yet I feel...well I don't know how to feel anymore. Numb, would probably be a good way of describing how I feel, how funny. Numb is how I FEEL.
There's plenty more I'd LOVE to share, but it's late. Too late. There it is...
boom Boom BOOM.
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