So yesterday I realized something so important that totally opened my eyes to things that I have completely forgotten, and have been blinded from for quite some time.
Yesterday, I was at the L.A. County Fair with some old friends from chinese school that I used to go to back when I was in elementary school. And when we separated to get our foods, I had time to just think to myself... I realized that this scene that I was in... from the drinking of alcohol, to the excessive profanity, to the no group prayers before we ate... I was out of place.
It's not that I felt uncomfortable, I mean, that's kind of how my dorming experience was. But for a summer hang out? I should be hanging out at the Hub and be doing something "productive." It reminded me of when I was younger, I had such a huge heart for these specific friends, I would pray for them everyday, I would remember to pray for them even more than I prayed for my dad. And it just.... died. I moved away, and I just forgot I guess. And that made me realize how pathetic I am.
I, subconsciously, justified my lack of prayer and reaching out to friends, by placing myself in ministries. By "serving" the church through leading small groups, leading worship, etc. And I now see how stupid I am. After last night, I see how worth it is, yeah I spend a lot more money hanging out and a fair rather than the hub, but if those extra couple bucks can be spent for the sake of the Gospel, then so be it.
Truth be told, I felt like crap. I was so blind to the fact that God has blessed me with many opportunities to fellowship with my friends, and I take it all for granted.
"God, give me the strength to spread your Gospel. Give me your eyes so i can see Your heart for the people around me."
No, this doesn't mean I won't be at the hub anymore. I still love the hub as a place where I can actually get work done. But I think this does mean I'll be doing a lot less hanging out at the hub.
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