standards of the (un)holy man.

"We all have measured ourselves so long by the man next to us we barely can see the standard set by men like Paul or by Jesus Himself." -Verwer


It's so sad, and even worse, it's so true.
Our standard of righteousness, holiness, whatever you want to call it, is falsely determined through the eyes of those immediately and physically around us. We get so caught up and satisfied with reaching other people's standards that we forget about the standards of great men of God, and sadly God himself.

my awesome brother.

Doing my devotionals with my brother this morning at Starbucks, the first verse that I read made me smile so much:

"Behold, how good and pleasant it is when brothers dwell in unity!" Psalm 133:1

For the good of those who love him.

And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose.  (Romans 8:28 ESV)

Two weeks ago my phone got washed in the washing machine. I didn't realize that until it was halfway through the cycle, and by the time I found out it was too late. At first I was so frustrated at myself... I couldn't believe how careless I could be.
Then I remembered a verse from my morning devotionals:


for we brought nothing into the world, and we cannot take anything out of the world. But if we have food and clothing, with these we will be content. (1 Timothy 6:7-8 ESV)

And it hit me hard. I had come to a place of comfortability, where I relied so much on my material possessions... to the point where God had to take something away.

The first day was unbelievably difficult. I depended so much on texting, yelping, calling... iphone-ing I guess, that it was so difficult to function without my phone.
But after a couple days without my phone, things became real peaceful. No phone calls from people wanting to bother me, no texts from people needing things from me, life became simple. And I really enjoyed it.
A week later I went to the apple store to get my laptop checked up, and decided that it wouldn't hurt to see what they could do with my phone (even though I brought it the day after it broke). I told the genius what happened, and after 10 minutes of waiting, he came out with a brand new phone. He told me he could only do this once, and to not break it again.
I could not believe my eyes and my ears. Yet, even though I was so thankful, I decided to keep it on the lay low. I was really digging this whole not having to be bothered without a phone lifestyle. This past week of easing back into things was good, yet I still miss "not having a phone." But all in all, I have learned my lesson: Not to rely on the things of the world. All things that are needed are provided.

and...
We know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose.  (Romans 8:28 ESV)

praise the Lord.

numbness.

Rubbing a bruise I got this afternoon from football, I just had this thought about numbness...

It really is a funny thing.
There are so many ways to get to this numb feeling:
Being too cold can cause numbness.
Being in too much pain can cause numbness.
Cutting off circulation could cause numbness.

But regardless of how it has become numb, the reality is that what has caused the numbness is still there. Whether it's the pain, the cold, or whatever, it is still there. And the funny thing is, sometimes you want it to be there so you won't have to feel the real pain, but other times you want it to go away so that you can know what's real and what's not.

Sorry if this post sounds really emo... Even though I do feel like I'm at this numb point now, I'm not stressin' or getting too emo. On the contrary, I'm really enjoying this life that God has blessed me with. This past week was pretty tough, but glad I'm finally through with it.

Here I am send me!

Today, one of my close sisters left for China. After reading the tweet about leaving to LAX, I immediately was hit by an bunch of emotions. Sadness, Happiness, Frustration, Envy, the list can go on and on. I think the biggest thing that was on my heart was jealousy... I was happy that she could go serve at the school that I served at this past summer, but I was so sad that it wasn't me that was going. After a bit of that I immediately felt convicted. Convicted because after a longer than usual PMS (post missions syndrome) I fell back into the normal cycle of life, something that I did not want to happen. I stopped thinking about them, stopped praying for them, stopped talking to them on QQ, and then I just became frustrated at myself for falling into this mindset.
And then immediately after that, I picked up her mission letter and began to read... and as I was reading I was comforted. As badly as I want to just buy a ticket to China right now and leave, I still have my duties as a college student to fulfill. The inside of her mission letter spoke a lot about God's perfect timing. God is so funny..

Love.

By this all people will know that you are my disciples, if you have love for one another.” 
(John 13:35 ESV)


Valentines Day, Singleness Awareness Day, or whatever you want to call it, I had a lot to think about today. No, I'm not one of those bitter people who are single and wish they had a valentine, but neither am I one of those that are so happy with being single cause I'm free from the bondages of... well... having a significant other.
As I called in my students today, 3/4 of my students came in with huge balloons, cupcakes, flowers, and huge smiles on their faces. The way they walked in, you'd think that it was Christmas or the last day of school. It was so funny to see how these high schooler's emotions were satisfied with this definition of "love."And as people get older, flowers alone don't satisfy anymore, it becomes cute thoughtful dates, expensive dinners and what not.
In the midst of these thoughts, it hit me... love, whether in the form of flowers, dinners, or just nice words, was and is not simply for ourselves but to show "all people" that we are disciples of Christ.

And in this, I was challenged, and I hope that you who read this are challenged, to love not for ourselves, but for God. And to love through both our actions, words, and thoughts.

Learning to Love.

It's so easy, when being punked on or made fun of, to retaliate with some sort of insult (funny or not). But one thing I've been convicted to do is to love on my brothers and sisters. Some people would call it being "weak" or being a "push over," and in many sense that may be quite the truth. But if I won't serve my fellow brothers in Christ and encourage them with loving words, why in the world would I do that to those who have yet to receive the gospel?
I will admit, it's been tough. I've been learning how to bite my tongue, and in times of frustration just learning to give it up to the Lord. It definitely is a work in progress, but God has blessed me with much patience and strength.

God is good.

Children, obey your parents...

Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. “Honor your father and mother” (this is the first commandment with a promise), “that it may go well with you and that you may live long in the land.”
-Ephesians 6:1-3

You never really appreciate this verse until you get older. During our childhood and early adolescent years it was all about rebelling and doing things "my own way." Using the infamous come back, "you don't know what I'm going through because you're from a different generation." And now as I'm in my third year of college, I'm starting to realize that our parents tend to know us better than ourselves.
Yesterday I got to meet up with my mom after 6 weeks of not seeing her. Chilling at In-n-out for 2 hours talking about relationships, a bit of academics, church things, girls, and the future, I was able to find a lot of peace through her advice. She helped me piece together things that should've been so obvious to me but I was so blind to, and now I finally understand the depth of this verse "that it may go well with you and that you may live long in the land."

Thank you God for an awesome mother.

late night rant.

I'm not sure what's going on. I'm not sure why I'm like this right now, but I definitely need to get my head screwed on straight. I don't know why I can't seem to be completely normal, I don't know why I keep overthinking, and I don't know why despite everything I'm still clinging onto that which seems unreal.

Friends.

~taking a quick break from studying to express my joy.

I really love my friends. You know the type of friends that message you to tell you to go home cause they care? Well in the past 30 minutes I've had 3 friends either offering to give me a ride home, or just commanding me to go home and get rest. YOU HAVE NO IDEA HOW HAPPY THAT MADE ME FEEL. Just knowing that I have brothers and sisters that genuinely care for my health and care enough to keep me company through this (soon to be) long and rough night makes me smile and makes my night so much easier.
(I'm gonna go into a bit of a serious mode here)
After spending a long week contemplating about my relationships with friends and family, I came to a conclusion that there is so much work in this area of my life that needs to be done. Realizing this, my time and energy is (hopefully) going to be revamped from certain relationships to others. Investing in these friendships that matter, at this point in time, I hope to bring the glory to God in this season.

to you guys and girls (you know who you are), thank you so much. I seriously love you all.

Stars.

As I rode my bike back from campus, I couldn't help but notice the stars that were shining so brightly this beautiful night in San Diego.
After a day filled with a lot of thinking and reflecting about life and decisions, it's reassuring to look up into the vastness and beauty of space and remember that these trials are not for nothing but for the glory of our creator.

A cold night in San Diego.

Today as I stood in the streets of the downtown San Diego a couple thoughts ran through my head. I noticed how my fingers felt like they were frozen, and thought to myself how I needed to buy warmer shoes so that next time I stood out in the cold, my toes wouldn't feel like they would freeze off. And then I looked up, and saw the irony of these thoughts.
Across from me stood Albert and Mike, Albert the big white guy in a tough looking leather jacket and Mike the scrawny looking one, yet probably the happiest guy that I've ever met. The trashbag covered cart, their smell, their eagerness to receive the water and sandwiches that we made, each part of their appearance made known to the outside world that they were homeless. And while I stood thinking about how cold I was 15 minutes after getting out of my car, I knew I was stupid to think about myself when these guys LIVED out in the cold 24/7.

I was out in downtown San Diego doing homeless ministry with InterVarsity; we passed out PB&J sandwiches, turkey and cheese sandwiches, and water. After all the food and water was gone, I had the opportunity to talk to these two guys who seemed to want the company more than they wanted our food. As I eavesdropped the testimony of Mike, the guy who was so filled with the joy of the Lord, who trusted God with everything, and was rewarded by (God's grace) having the chance to reconnect with his daughter in Philadelphia after 18 years, through a family that took him in for a couple weeks. And as I journeyed through the life of Albert, who was a catholic who questioned his catholic faith, who wasn't cut out for college (ohio state), who found Jesus in a drug house, and who turned away from drugs by spending a weeklong retreat at a motel with the gideon Bible. Two men, getting serious for the Lord, in the streets of San Diego scraping by through the provision of the Lord.

It broke my heart, seeing these two solid men who've made a few mistakes in their life on the street. These guys have more heart than half the people I know (myself included), and still they are the ones on the street. Obviously God put them there because He knew they could handle it, but it still does seem quite a bit unfair.
Aside from all this whining or whatever it is, God reminded me about something that I've long forgotten. He showed me the beauty of being content with the life that God gave us. Not to be mistaken for being complacent in where we stand in our spiritual lives, but rather satisfied with the abilities, the people, and the things He has graciously and mercifully provided for us. And not just to be satisfied but to also make the most of that which He's given us.

The story doesn't end there, there's quite a bit of a nice ending to out meeting with these guys. The family that took in Mike bought him a round trip ticket to see his daughter and 2 year old granddaughter in Philadelphia. And Albert is taking classes at a school in downtown San Diego to build his own website to start up a business. Two men searching for God, with two different stories, ended up in the same place to bless us on this cold winter night.

IV does this twice a year (or twice a quarter I forget), but I think I'm willing to do this every couple weeks if anyone in SD is down. Make a couple sandwiches, buy a case of water, and just bring down a heart of love.


"What good is it, my brothers, if someone says he has faith but does not have works? Can that faith save him? If a brother or sister is poorly clothed and lacking in daily food, and one of you says to them, "Go in peace, be warmed and filled," without giving them the things needed for the body, what good is that? So also faith by itself, if it does not have works, is dead."
-James 2:14-17