retreat.

~~ beware long ramblings and thoughts for myself

Simultaneously talking to 5 people about retreat is so encouraging. Even though each of them share with me about the same incidents and feelings, it just hits me each time.

I'm so encouraged by our High Schoolers growing so much from the retreat, and the excitement in their words and just everything that is happening in this time. But in the midst of this happiness, I feel this overwhelming sense of sadness and jealousy.

Watching most of the Livingstone HSers grow up, I always thought that I'd would be the one there for them as they grew closer to the Lord. But this year I was... not there for them. I don't know... theres just so much I want to say that I don't know where to start.

I remember when I was in HS, the OIC days, the encounter retreat days, the days where I felt that my heart my be close to exploding because of all my emotions and fire for the Lord. Things definitely toned down so much, but talking to the HSers just ignites that spark again and makes me remember those days. I really pray that this won't be one of those spiritual retreat highs, but it would be something that could jumpstart our church into a new chapter and one where we can be a church and family striving for the Lord and not just hanging out.

Also, today as I heard about how crazy this retreat was, I really started to somewhat have second thoughts on China. Not that I'm thinking about not going, cause I already bought my plane ticket, but just how I wish I had more time to be with Livingstone and to grow and encourage them. Even though I know God has an awesome plan for me in China. I just want to be able to be here at home for them and just bless the homefront.

agh... I don't know.. too many thoughts. I need to calm downn a bit and get my thoughts collected.

One thing i prayed for this summer was for Livingstone to grow so much. I remember leading worship last week an during our time of prayer at the end of the message, I was praying so earnestly for our church to grow. To grow so much that they'd begin to grasp what it means to be a Christian, what it means to live it out, what it means to be someone who pursues Christ and righteousness above everything. Even though I didn't expect it to be this way.... things don't always turn out as expected, but God definitely does things crazily. ptL.

It's so funny how God works, how in the beginning everyone was so sad that our retreat was split HSers and college, but now all the HSers are back and saying it was the best summer retreat ever.

Okay.. now i'm just typing out whatever comes to mind, but event hough I've been typing forever I have so much to say!

I just want to pray more, and start to fast for our Livingstone youth to have this ongoing passion for God. I don't think anything has ever been more real to me. I pray that this wouldn't be a spiritual high, or just a retreat high. I really want each of them to have a relationship. I want each of them to be built up into men and women for God. I've seen too many brothers and sisters fall away once college hits, or once some big spiritual attack hits. And I DO NOT want them to fall.

God, protect them from the attacks of the enemy. Keep them safe, and build them up to be men and women after your heart. They're good kids in a nasty mean world, but I pray that they would be able to stand up for you and that they'd be able to love you despite what the world thinks of them. Give them passion, and a fire that'll burn eternally and not just something that'll last temporarily. God I plead with you to keep them safe.

These kids encourage me so much, it makes me want to do more, to be a better older brother to them.