Lift off in 1.

Showering with warm water.
Eating Mexican food.
Playing with my dogs.
Hanging with church friends.
Walking around the beach.
6 way webcamming on oovoo.
Driving my SUV.
Sitting at the hub.

All things that I can only do in America. Well, not really but I forsure won't be able to do it while I'm on missions for the next month. Showering this morning I just realized that even though I'm okay with cold showers, pest infested beds, meatless food, and lots of walking through the mountains, I'm going to miss all of this comfortableness.

With a lot of people asking how I'm feeling about leaving, I guess I'll spill my thoughts here...
A couple months ago, I would've said I'm dying to leave. I'm dying to get away from all this "stuff" in my life. I'm ready to leave this comfort-zone, many of you would call it life, to get to a place where nothing but the simplicity of life can satisfy. Since coming back from China last year, so many things have happened, so much change that I feel like I need a breather.

A month ago, I would've told you that I'm kinda nervous. A tad bit nervous on my ability to lead this years team. I was so worried about my ability to lead a chinese missions team, that I really forgot about the purpose in all of it. But nonetheless I was still anxious to leave.

2 weeks ago, after my church retreat, I saw a change in my perspective. I came to the point where I realized that despite my insecurities of leading the team, despite all my wrong reasons for going on missions (to get away from home), that I was going on missions for the Lord and with the goal of doing His will in China.

This past week I realized how much I'll miss home. I'm at the point where I want to stay home so I can minister to friends, my momm, and especially church family.

Put simply, I'm very conflicted. I mean, regardless of what I feel or what I don't feel I'm still going. But there are just so many things running around my head that I'm worried I'll easily lose focus.


So please pray for me, to realize that God's plan would be my plan. That God's heart, would be my heart. And that God would just give me the heart of compassion for the mission field that I will be embarking on in less than 40 hours.