Desperation

So I await the words that you say
I open my life
I am longing just to hear these words
That you say, that you say

Something Like Silas took the words right out of my mouth in the song "Words that You say."
Recently things have been so chaotic, half of me seems to be at peace, while the other half in the middle of a war. I feel torn apart, confused, and trying to make sense of both worlds. And so why does S.L.S. do a great job saying what I need to say? Because I desperately need to hear the words from my God.
Don't get me wrong, I am not in doubt of God. I do not want Him to speak so He can prove His existence, neither am I asking Him to speak to tell me what to do, or am I asking Him to show His power. What I do want is for Him to comfort me.
I am in no doubt that He is teaching me new things, and I am ready to take on all the pain and suffering to gain what He wants me to. But one thing I do desire, is to hear His voice in the midst of these trials. The one thing I ask. After all, "ask and it shall be given" right?
Yet, at times I feel so alone, but even in those times I know that He is right beside me. Beside me but silent. Why?

And so as this song was on replay in my mind throughout this week, I decided played it on my way to Irvine this week for the Collabo meeting. And this time, as I sat there in my car, as I was talking to God, the dam broke. The tears started to flow, as I made this simple song my simple prayer. Embarrassed, humbled, ashamed, would be the sum of my emotions during my car ride. I placed everything I had at His feet. If He didn't do it now, "in this close communion," then who knows when I would have another chance. And I poured out not knowing, and not expecting an answer, I heard nothing. Not even the "still small voice." But as I neared Irvine, I felt a pressing to do my daily devotionals.
As I parked my car in the driveway, I flipped open my Bible to 2 Corinthians 12. If you can read it, and you will see God's glory. I won't say much because I want you to read it. But, Paul is faced with a weakness, yet in his weakness, he is strong.
I could not cry anymore, so I sat in my car for the next 30 minutes worshipping. Basking in His presence, basking in His glory, and giving praise to Him for bringing me through once again.

And in this moment, mourning turned to dancing. Emptiness filled. and

cries of desperation turned to praise.