My Blog

a glimmer of hope.

2012-02-07T03:15:00.000-08:00

I see the light at the end of this tunnel. It's been a long tough journey, and I know now that because I am able to give up my struggles to the Lord that I am able to overcome these obstacles. What has a beginning must have an ending, and no matter how difficult things become, God is with me always, and I have nothing to fear.
I find myself being pretty happy these days, and not being afraid of being me. Thank God!

good day.

2012-02-01T04:06:00.000-08:00

It's been a while since I've had a good day like today. The past 2 weeks I've went to an hour and a halfs worth of class, napped an average of 3 times a day, and just lazied around for the most part.
But today was definitely one of the best days I've had. Slept a good amount, got some errands and e-mails sent out, went to a doctors appointment, cleaned the apartment, took my family around UCSD, the cliffs, Phil's, and then to top off the night got to hang out with my apartment. I played like 4 rounds of NFL Blitz with David, watched 5 episodes of Impractical Jokers and had a really good laugh.
I know I never really blog about my day, but today was such a blessing. To be surrounded by such great friends and family is something I forget so often. 16 weeks left til I graduate, and it makes me realize how little time I have here in San Diego. I pray that I will be reminded of His goodness each day.

Things could be worse right?

2012-01-30T14:51:00.000-08:00

I keep telling myself that things could always get worse, and it probably wan't until I saw a man with a prosthetic arm that I realized how fortunate and blessed I am. And despite the condition that I'm in now, I find myself surrounded by so many encouraging friends and family that are here to support me. And even in this time where I feel so worn thin, I know I have my God to carry me through!

"forgetting what lies behind and straining forward to what lies ahead"

yep. things could definitely be worse.

Above the sun

2012-01-21T03:30:00.000-08:00

It felt so good to be back in Bible Study after serving in Fusion for the past quarters Fridays. Going through Ecclesiastes and learning that the wisdom and the things under the sun is foolishness, was a huge wake up call. The things that my heart desire, and the things I want to do are all selfish and ultimately useless. I want to strive for things above the sun, I want to be that person that chooses to chase after God's heart rather than his own desires. I want to chase after the wisdom of the Lord rather than the wisdom (or foolishness) of the world.
I don't want to look back and see that I wasted my life.

Things that fade.

2012-01-19T01:17:00.000-08:00

This past trip to NY, I dropped off my first pair of jeans at Self-Edge so that they could use it in some photoshoot. Meanwhile I had the chance to take a picture of my 3 year old pair versus a brand new pair that they had on sale.

And as I looked at how much they faded, ripped, and changed, it got me thinking. I saw how much things have changed from my freshmen year until now. With those pair of jeans I've been through missions, pulled all nighters for finals, went backpacking, traveled across Asia, funtrained, the list goes on forever. And through every thing the jeans have formed and faded to my individual life. And like life, I see how things are constantly changing, how God has taken me through SO much. And like my pair of jeans, from my blank canvas of life became me. Sure things could be better, and there are things that I hope and wish for, but when I take a step back and look and who I am, I'm happy and satisfied with what God has done, and I'm excited for what He is going to do.

a time for resting

2012-01-12T01:54:00.000-08:00

In this time where I feel like I can't do anything effectively or efficiently, God is showing me how much I need to rest and wait on the Lord.
And it has been such a blessing, that the one thing I couldn't get myself to do when I had two arms, I finally can do with one.

God is good!

i can't wait

2011-12-20T21:55:00.000-08:00

til I can type with two hands
til this brace gets off
til i can lay down again
til i can shower
til i can play sports

but meanwhile, I'm going to enjoy life 1 handed.
I can finally get to the stack of books I've been meaning to read.

day 6: my parents....

2011-12-20T12:58:00.000-08:00

Me: hey mom I broke my arm
mom: okay...
Me: wait, mom I BROKE my arm
mom: okay, i have to go to prayer meeting now
*hangs up*

Me: hey dad did you hear I broke my arm?
dad: *laughs* too bad. From what?
Me:.... snowboarding
dad: you're crazy. I have to work now bye

why do i get the feeling that my parents don't care.....
hahaha

day 4: a night undrugged.

2011-12-17T23:29:00.000-08:00

I'm gonna see if I can make it through a night without my drugs. Pray that I'll live!

m4mm0th

2011-12-16T23:47:00.000-08:00

The biggest thing I've learned at mammoth is that I have a family that loves me. Even though the last 24 hours of mammoth was a blur (literally), I do remember how touched I was when everyone was praying for me and my healing.

God is good.
sometimes it's go big or go home the same, or go big and go home bigger. (i probably dont make sense)

balls-out

2011-11-18T16:53:00.000-08:00

Play it safe. Don't do anything out of the ordinary. Be a good, nice, christian boy.

I've thought that my entire life. Playing this game of life being content with where I am, never taking the risk to strive for something greater. Always being content staying on first base, never going for second. Always thinking about it, but never taking my foot off the bag.

It's probably time that I start going for it. And I know I'm going to be caught and out more often than not. But I think it's about time that I go big, because if I don't, I might as well be sitting out.

I really didn't think that this would affect me so much, but the real honest truth is that this is owning me. If I don't take action on this, I'm just going to get wrecked over and over again.

Strollin' around La Jolla at 5 a.m.

2011-11-04T06:02:00.000-07:00

it's almost 6 a.m.... what the heck am i doing up?

well I just got back from a nice walk around La Jolla. And had a nice good time of reflection and just sorting things out in my head. It's honestly nice weather to be out walking at night, knowing that there's nobody but you walking around. It felt so liberating just being by myself and having time for just me.

Recently there's been so much to do, and so much to think about that my mind has been so cluttered with thoughts of everything. Tonight I got to sort out these thoughts, and figure out what I need to do.

And as I was walking I was thinking to myself what has changed about me since my first year. First year, when all I did was play, fun train, play, fun train, and when i felt like it sleep and go to class. What happened to the days when I used to be "fun?" Those days seem so long ago, and truthfully, I miss it. a lot. No regard for anything but playing, who wouldn't miss it right? And tonight, I figured it out. The difference between then and now is that I stress over every little thing. The things that happen here and now are so insignificant in the long run. A year from now, this IM playoffs will be a blur. The relationships that I build/break down will be a faint memory in a couple years. Memories, either joyful or painful, are going to fade, and what matters is not how I could've lived, but how I actually lived.
I'm thankful that I was able to realize that these things that I stress about seem to be so big now, but will grow to be small in a matter of months and years.

There were 100 other things that went on through my head, but sitting down and trying to type it all out now, it's slowly slipping away.

Opportunities come and go, and it's what you make of them that makes it count. I'm going to live this year a little more balanced, a little more freshmen year-like.

in control.

2011-10-31T12:36:00.000-07:00

You know that feeling of uncertainty when you let someone drive your car. The possibility of crashing, and ruining your... gah not feeling in the mood to really blog.

God, please take control of this situation. I'm tired of this, I just want things to be better.

Suffering produces Hope.

2011-10-21T04:08:00.000-07:00

"Not only that, but we rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance, and endurance produces character, and character produces hope, and hope does not put us to shame, because God's love has been poured into our hearts through the Holy Spirit who has been given to us."
(Romans 5:3-5 ESV)

Not exactly sure where I'm going with this post, but... whatevs, late night rambling. It's hard thinking that Paul was rejoicing in his suffering, because... well suffering is painful. Trying to be patient and enduring through insults and crude jokes is really hard. Even in times where these jokes are more for fun, I find it harder and harder to handle.
I mean from freshmen year when it was just david, it was pretty funny at times. But as each year passed, more and more people caught on that I wouldn't mind if I was made fun of. And honestly, I didn't care. until this year. Recently I've caught myself getting so angry that I imagined myself blasting the next person that annoyed me. And so many opportunities came, except I restrained myself because there were people who would probably misunderstand the situation if I did release my frustrations.
I get a lot of people asking why I let people push me around, and why I let people say the things they do. And as I was thinking about it tonight, I couldn't come up with a real answer. I mean, I'm not the type of person that'll blow up on my own friends, I also don't feel like I'd hold things against people for small, lame, insignificant jokes. But when it boils down to it, I realize that if I do try to "fight back," I'll just be blasted more. I guess you can call me scared, call me whatever you want. In the end, I hope that I will be able to grow from this and be filled with God's love.

starbucks.

2011-10-14T13:47:00.000-07:00

The smell of expresso,
the coolness of the A/C,
the relaxing music,
starbucks.

It's been a while since I've had a good day to myself. And honestly what better way to spend it than at starbucks.

Things have been quite a bit hectic recently, but Senior year is definitely one I'm going to remember. In the short 3 weeks that we've had so far feels like a years worth. Through all of this hectic-ness, I find so much peace in just... being by myself.
Having time to reflect and think about the things going on my life and (hopelessly) trying to organize emotions and thoughts, for lack of better terms, is liberating. These days I wake up thinking to myself, that I have a choice to live all out, or half-assed (excuse the language). And that if I wanted to give my 100%, it is purely my decision. ANd this thought hit me:

How dare I not settle for less than what I deserve, when I'm not giving God all that He deserves.

That's when I saw the fullness and beauty of God's grace. That, in spite of me living such a complacent lifestyle, I still dare to ask God for more...

I realized a lot of things about myself, how I need to step up my game in studying, how much i need to find rest in God, how pathetic I really am, and a lot about my future... but I'll save those for another starbucks day.

adios.

Impact: 4 years later...

2011-10-09T00:04:00.000-07:00

Today was possibly one of the craziest days I've had in a long time. Girls football practice, guys IM practice, Missions booth @the hill, then impact praise night. I remember 4 years ago, when the Christian club leaders of Diamond Bar, Walnut, Rowland, Wilson, Troy, and... I forget who else gathered at Lawrence's garage to meet about doing the huge praise night. And to see it happening again 4 years later, under the same name, and with the same purpose, brings me so much joy.

One thing I learned tonight. God is moving whether or not we see it.
To you impact members and leaders: Keep the fire rolling, you have our (older peoples) prayer and covering!

childlike worship.

2011-10-08T00:50:00.000-07:00

Tonight was one of the few times where I had the opportunity to see worship in its purest form. From the ages of 4 to 14, I led worship for a babysitting type of job for a church. And as we sang Making Melodies, I saw that these kids enjoyed singing these songs so much! And obviously they enjoyed it because it was a fun song, but when I asked if they knew what the song meant, I heard responses that blew me away. Things like "it means we can worship God from our hearts no matter who we are, what we look like, or what we do."
And as I taught them the chorus of Holy is the Lord, I saw these kids so ready to learn and sing with nothing else in mind except praising the Lord.
So many times we place doubt on how much these kids can really know about God, but tonight I learned that it's not really about the age, but how much you're willing to bring to God.
And tonight, I saw that these kids were laying it all down.

Promises from a true King.

2011-10-06T01:18:00.000-07:00

"Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest."

It's been a while since I've blogged or even journaled. But as I finished up my devotions today, I saw how fast these past two weeks have been. It's already near the end of second week, and I've been so busy and caught up with hw, work, volunteer, ministries, church, that the few moments I have to myself is feels like a breath of fresh air.
You know the feeling when you just want to go back to the good ole' stress-free high school days? Or better yet the times when you used to play in the park in elementary school? I used to feel that so often, so much that it came to the point of me living in the past. I've learned that once you snap back to the reality of life, and see how God has blessed you more than you can imagine, thats when you can live life to its full potential.
It's not about what you wish you could do, or what you want to do, but rather it's what you're doing now. And in this time where I'm so busy with all of my ministries, I realize that there is no place I'd rather be. Sure, I could be spending my time a little more on my education, or working to earn a couple extra bucks. But I'd so rather be blessing and encouraging those around me in service.
I'll admit, it does get tiring. It gets so tiring to the point where me Extrovert starts to slowly become an introvert. But I was convicted through my devotions, that it's not about me. That my strength does not come from myself, but rather it's through going to Christ.
It honestly feels a little bit like my senior year HS days when I had 3 Club leadership positions, a whole lot of church ministry, and homegroup. I reflect on what I learned back in those days, and I see that God has been carefully laying out the stepping stones to get to this point.

No turning back.

A praise night to remember

2011-09-17T01:48:00.000-07:00

Singing, Praising, Shouting, Dancing, Praying, Jumping... the things I miss about praise nights at HoC (Home of Christians).

8 years ago was the first time I stepped into an HoC praise night, and the thing I remember about it most was how people didn't care about what others thought when they worshipped. People singing straight from their hearts, people yelling "Jesus" and "hallelujah" at the top of their lungs, others jumping and touching the very high ceiling, and most raising their hands, all in worship of our glorious and beautiful God.
The praise nights continued on for years throughout High School and some of college, and thats where I learned to worship God with all of my heart.

8 years later... I found myself standing at a very place. The songs were a little different, the people were older, but I saw the same worship. Something so real, so amazing, so filled with love for our Holy Father. This time though, unlike the past, I was able to worship without having to feel like I needed to come to God to relieve my feelings and my burdens.

if you don't know what I mean, I'll explain it a little bit. Especially in High School with my emotions out of control, I, like many people at that age, was always attracted to some female at every point in life. Many times, my outlet for my feelings was those praise nights, I would come before God so that I could lay everything before his feet and that he could reset my priorities. I found myself, time and time again, coming before God so that I can lay my burdens down, and then worship and jump and dance freely. The cycle continued on for years...

But today was different. As I was on my knees today in prayer, I realized something. Sure, I had to ask for forgiveness for a lot of my sins, but I had no burdens that I had to lay, no real repriortizing that I needed to do, I didn't feel emotionally drained, or anything like that. I felt free.
It was definitely awesome because I found myself smiling and laughing uncontrollably as we worshipped tonight. Jumping, Dancing, Yelling, Praising, all for a God who deserves that and so much more. Maybe... just maybe, I was able to encourage and bless through my worship, just as those 8 years ago had blessed me.

It feels good to be free. It feels good to be content in my singleness. It feels good to be worshipping with all that I have.

praise the Lord.

Finally settling down.

2011-09-13T23:50:00.000-07:00

After a month in China, a couple days in Vegas, 2 weeks in NY, and 3 days in Yosemite, I finally get a chance to sit down and relax.

I sit and I stare blankly at my computer screen as my chinese music plays in the background. And the only thing I can think about is how much I miss China. I miss serving, I miss the CCVs, I miss the students, I miss life in China. And as hard as I try to fight "settling down," I know I will hit that point soon of being comfortable.

Tonight was the first time I've ever asked myself, "what am I living for?" Yes, the cliche answer, I'm living for God. But what is God calling me to live for? Surely living for God does not give a clear direction on what it is I should be doing.

I miss these guys. a lot.

Encouragement from Sin City:

2011-08-23T09:54:00.000-07:00

"As you come to him, a living stone rejected by men but in the sight of God chosen and precious, you yourselves like livingstones are being built up as a spiritual house, to be a holy priesthood, to offer spiritual sacrifices acceptable to God through Jesus Christ." -1 Peter 2:4,5

Living Stones. The idea is that we're stones building up a spiritual house. Even though so many times I find myself thinking that I don't need to rely on others as much or at all, this verse really reminds me of how important it is to rely on each other as brothers and sisters so that we can build up a spiritual house.

Nothing short of a 10

2011-08-18T19:03:00.001-07:00

Reflections on a long plane ride home.

~~
Wow, I’m turning 21 soon… This year has been amazing. The best thing about turning 21 isn’t that I can finally drink or gamble or anything like that. But it is that, when I turned 20, I prayed that this past year God would turn me into a man that chases after God’s own heart, and to know what it meant. This doesn’t mean I am a man that I have become that, but rather it means that I think I finally have an idea of what it means.
As I started to pursue God with this mindset, he slowly revealed to me that a lot of living life isn’t about trying our best, but rather giving our best to live a righteous life. The word righteousness came up a lot in my prayers and devotions in this past year. Through serving the church, serving missions, and my family, I’ve come to realize that I had the wrong mentality of “just getting by.” I have lived my life up until this point by giving enough effort to “just get by.” And even then, God has blessed me well beyond what I deserve.
I want to become a man that chases after God’s own heart by giving everything that I have. I believe it is only then can I really become a man that is after God’s own heart. Time is too short for us to live by just getting by, God definitely deserves more from us than the minimal effort to pass.
A Chinese brother of mine told me that in China, on a scale from 1-10 that 6 is passing. And that many Chinese people are satisfied with just getting a 6 because it means that you’ve reached the passing point. I’ve reflected on this quite a bit, and I came to the conclusion that I don’t want anything less than a 10.
From now on, I pray that I will give a 10 effort in every aspect possible. Whether it’s playing sports, academics, serving the church, the list can go on forever. But in short, I want to live a life where I am giving everything I can in my God given ability so that he can be glorified. This is what I think it means to be a man after God’s own heart.

change is never a new thing in AGT

2011-08-09T00:27:00.001-07:00

We just got news that this summer camp ends tomorrow. Originally we were planning for a Friday closing ceremony, but now the school wants us to be done by tomorrow. So all classes are finishing up right now as I type this e-mail. This year for TGA has been a year full of last minute changes. Ruth said to me today: "You're not even phased anymore by these changes because of everything these past few weeks huh?" At first I wasn't sure how to respond, but after thinking about it a while, I've come to realize that it's all in His will. Even though it's easy to see these things negatively, this year has shown me that even though we don't like these changes, God always brings us to where we need to be.
I'm sure that even though we'll be done here, our work as missionaries in China will not end until we set foot on the flight back from HK.

God has answered many of my prayers in the past couple days.

Prayer requests:
1. That God will show me where I need to be
2. That I will continue to give my everything as long as I'm here
3. That God would bring peace to the team here in Cheng Du

love you all,
YY

Blessings from above and a Farewell in the ancient city

2011-08-07T18:38:00.001-07:00

Since my last update, too many things have happenned. I know that Father has provided so much, and that He is always watching over us. During our last days in the school , we had 3 people come to the Lord, and those 3 each got baptized. Please pray for them to continue to grow! I've been so blessed by what they've showed me these past 2 weeks. I'll share with you the story of one of our new brothers:

A little background: He attends school in a major city. He came with a couple others to be a volunteer, but he is pretty young. He was at the other school before I got there and was poured out to a lot by the volunteers.

When I got to the school, I was assigned to teach a class with Jonathan as my assistant. After the first day I spent with him we were able to get along really well. It was funny because even though he wasn't our roommate, he would come and go into our room as he pleased like our roommate. We spent a lot of time together talking, joking, playing card games, etc. But I never had too much of a chance to talk to him about deeper spiritual things. Especially since I was usually leading songs and playing guitar, I never got to talk too much to him during devotions.
As we neared the end of camp, 2 sisters accepted Christ were born again on 8/4 in front our office after a praise night. After their baptism, I pulled Jonathan aside cause he looked a little sad and in deep thought. I asked him what was going through his mind, and we went to the basketball courts and just sat and talked for 2 hours. He shared alot of his thoughts and concerns about facing his family and friends if he got into a relationship with Christ. And I was able to share my thoughts and also more of my testimony with him. We talked and talked, and at the end I challenged him to challenge God to prove that He's real. And he said "I did." I was like whuuut. And he said during the prayer before I asked if anyone wanted to accept the Lord, he said that he told God if God could answer these questions and prove that he's real, then he would believe it. And said that I had answered that prayer and challenge.
The day after was our last day together, and at night I asked him how close he was to accepting the Lord. And he said 6. And he explained that in the culture it means passing, and that he believed. After double checking if he believed in God's love, that Jesus died for him and rose again, he said yes. I was pretty happy, and then I followed up with asking him if he wanted to get baptized. And then he said that he was at an 8. He said he thought he needed to grow more before getting baptized, and asked what I thought. And I told him it varies on people and churches in America, but many people usually get baptized after. And then it looked like he understood, then I asked if he was willing to get baptized, and he said "it would be an honor." But since he didn't ask when or where, I wasn't sure if he understood, so I ask how about tonight? And he said he needed 5 minutes to think about it.
I went into the room and told my roommate we needed to pray for Jonathan. And immediately after we prayed, the door knocked and he had a smile on his face and said "let's do this." I ran and gathered all the Christians and we gathered in our room to listen to his testimony and then I had the honor of baptizing him.
Praise the Lord!!!

Now since the summer camp has ended, I'm at another school now, and our Volunteers are all together. I dearly miss all the other volunteers and my students at the old city. I really miss them so much. As I was listening to a Chinese song yesterday on the bus to the next city, I was thinking if I really gave my 100% to the volunteers and students at the old city. I never really came to a conclusion on whether if I did or not, but I know that I want to be able to leave China knowing that I've done everything I could've.

Please pray for me!
1. That God would give me peace here at the new city, and that I would be able to be led by the Lord to do His will here.
2. That I would continue to lift up the new brother and sisters daily so that they could grow.
3. That I would not dwell too much on missing my kids and volunteers, and that I would keep praying for them as well.
4. That God would give me the strength to finish strong.

Sorry for the long post! Thanks for your prayers!
Love from China,
YY

update 4

2011-07-31T21:26:00.000-07:00

Dear Brothers and Sisters,

The past 5 days have been so busy that I didn't get to update. But, I am now currently in another school about 4 hours away from the school that I started in. The government kicked us out of the school because of issues with foreigners (and very likely because of our beliefs). In the beginning I didn't like it, but Father has opened up a new door for me to spread the Word. When we left the other school, I didn't realize how attached I had grown to the chinese volunteers and students in a mere 2 days.

And in 2 days I went from being a principal to an english teacher. Quite humbling, and a really different experience. I thought about it after being here a couple days, and I realized that this is the first time since my first year serving that I wasn't the principal of the school. It's quite relaxing knowing that I don't have to be supervising anything, but I can be a good support to our principal Carrie and vice principals here.

Word spreading has been really cool because more so then reaching out to the students, we are able to have really good conversations with the chinese volunteers here. This past Sunday we had a service, and we washed hands. As we washed their hands I really felt the spirit moving in the room. We only have 5 days left at this school, and I feel that its too short! Lift our team up to daddy that we would take ahold of every minute that we have at this school so that his word would be spread everywhere!

btw, it's been raining and cloudy, so its been hard to do activities, and the kids end up watching movies and playing games all day. And its an all week school so its been a little tough!

miss you guys!

update 3

2011-07-25T09:54:00.000-07:00

Naming my students today, I was reminded of my previous years, especially when they choose names that are the same. This reminded me of how good God always is, and how He continues to provide in times of stress and times that I feel I can't do anything.
The summer camp just started today and there are many obstacles already. My heart has suddenly become restless in this time, and I really need a lot of prayer. I knew coming into this years missions that there would be issues. But something tells me something big is going to come soon.

prayer requests:
1. That God would bring me peace in my limited time at this school
2. That I would not be lazy and seize each second that I am here

Update #2

2011-07-23T09:18:00.001-07:00

Our Chinese College Volunteer Camp has just ended! And the last school group just left from our school. So much has happened over the last 3 days that it's unbelievable. AGT always lives up to its reputation of being flexible and crazy last minute changes. One of the schools we were supposed to go to ended up dropping out, so we had to switch up teams, and now my current team is: Tom, MW, and myself. I'm excited to see what God is going to do this year with us in this school.
This years training camp was probably the most intensive one that I've done in my 4 years of AGT, but I saw how God really moved through all of the busy-ness and especially using us Volunteers. I can truly say that this year we have an all-star Volunteer team, especially as each obstacle came up we would always came out stronger and each time things were handled with wisdom.
In 2 days our school will begin everything, until then we'll be preparing for the upcoming 3 weeks. I know things won't be easy, but our team seems to be really good and I know I will grow a lot in the next 3 weeks. Please pray for us:

#1: That God would let us be a unified team (Tom, MW, and me) and that we can serve the people and students here in the school.

#2: That I would have discipline to get up each morning for devotionals.

Thank you for your support! I can really feel the power of your prayers here in China.

Shen Zhen China update 1

2011-07-16T01:49:00.001-07:00

Hello brothers and sisters!

I'm currently in Shen Zhen, we finally made it safely here at 2 a.m. Saturday morning and the team is super exhausted. Even though the plane rides, transfers, and immigration processes were long and grueling, I had a lot of time to pray, read, and wait on the Lord. I'll start off with a praise report: as I started praying in the airplane, God had given me the two things that I felt that I was lacking as I left Los Angeles: peace and excitement. Like my earlier post, I felt quite uneasy leaving (it felt like a spiritual attack) and I have excitement for this upcoming missions trip. It wasn't some thought process that led me to gaining these two things, but I believe that it was through the Lord's blessings that I am able to receive these things! PtL!

There are two prayer requests that I hope each of you can pray for me about. These two things are words that i feel God has revealed to me, and who wants me (and my fellow brothers and sisters) to continue to lift up in prayer as I prepare my heart to serve.

#1: Do not let my physical weariness/weakness affect my spiritual awareness.

This is something that I usually don't struggle with, but God really placed this burden on my heart to not let anything physical bring me down spiritually. I don't feel it yet, but I know these struggles will come soon.

#2: Do not be limited by my heart for the Chinese people, but that I would seek for God's heart for them.

This is a common mistake that I realize I continuously fall into. I always pursue these missions trips with my heart, and the "burden that God has placed on my heart for these people." But I know that God wants to continue to increase my passion for them. I often close off the mind to God pouring into me because I think I have enough to work with, but I know that God wants continuous overflow into my life and those that I will serve.

Thanks for your prayers!

I feel loved.

2011-07-14T01:37:00.000-07:00

In the past 12 hours I've gotten many texts, calls, and messages about how people are praying for me and wishing me a safe flight. Honestly, this is the first time I've gotten these texts and each one I get makes me smile and realize what wonderful brothers and sisters I have.

Many people have asked me how I feel about going this year and if I'm ready. My answer? I feel a little uneasy, I feel the spirit leading me to believe that this year will be the hardest that I've ever had. And so, I don't feel as excited as I have in the past, but one thing forsure I know that I have God and the prayers of my brothers and sisters behind me and that comforts me so much.

Please keep me in your prayers, I'll be updating the blog and sending out e-mails as often as I can.

retreat.

2011-06-27T00:37:00.000-07:00

~~ beware long ramblings and thoughts for myself

Simultaneously talking to 5 people about retreat is so encouraging. Even though each of them share with me about the same incidents and feelings, it just hits me each time.

I'm so encouraged by our High Schoolers growing so much from the retreat, and the excitement in their words and just everything that is happening in this time. But in the midst of this happiness, I feel this overwhelming sense of sadness and jealousy.

Watching most of the Livingstone HSers grow up, I always thought that I'd would be the one there for them as they grew closer to the Lord. But this year I was... not there for them. I don't know... theres just so much I want to say that I don't know where to start.

I remember when I was in HS, the OIC days, the encounter retreat days, the days where I felt that my heart my be close to exploding because of all my emotions and fire for the Lord. Things definitely toned down so much, but talking to the HSers just ignites that spark again and makes me remember those days. I really pray that this won't be one of those spiritual retreat highs, but it would be something that could jumpstart our church into a new chapter and one where we can be a church and family striving for the Lord and not just hanging out.

Also, today as I heard about how crazy this retreat was, I really started to somewhat have second thoughts on China. Not that I'm thinking about not going, cause I already bought my plane ticket, but just how I wish I had more time to be with Livingstone and to grow and encourage them. Even though I know God has an awesome plan for me in China. I just want to be able to be here at home for them and just bless the homefront.

agh... I don't know.. too many thoughts. I need to calm downn a bit and get my thoughts collected.

One thing i prayed for this summer was for Livingstone to grow so much. I remember leading worship last week an during our time of prayer at the end of the message, I was praying so earnestly for our church to grow. To grow so much that they'd begin to grasp what it means to be a Christian, what it means to live it out, what it means to be someone who pursues Christ and righteousness above everything. Even though I didn't expect it to be this way.... things don't always turn out as expected, but God definitely does things crazily. ptL.

It's so funny how God works, how in the beginning everyone was so sad that our retreat was split HSers and college, but now all the HSers are back and saying it was the best summer retreat ever.

Okay.. now i'm just typing out whatever comes to mind, but event hough I've been typing forever I have so much to say!

I just want to pray more, and start to fast for our Livingstone youth to have this ongoing passion for God. I don't think anything has ever been more real to me. I pray that this wouldn't be a spiritual high, or just a retreat high. I really want each of them to have a relationship. I want each of them to be built up into men and women for God. I've seen too many brothers and sisters fall away once college hits, or once some big spiritual attack hits. And I DO NOT want them to fall.

God, protect them from the attacks of the enemy. Keep them safe, and build them up to be men and women after your heart. They're good kids in a nasty mean world, but I pray that they would be able to stand up for you and that they'd be able to love you despite what the world thinks of them. Give them passion, and a fire that'll burn eternally and not just something that'll last temporarily. God I plead with you to keep them safe.

These kids encourage me so much, it makes me want to do more, to be a better older brother to them.

weird feeling.

2011-06-19T02:14:00.000-07:00

a minute ago I woke up from a door slamming (or thats what I thought I heard). For a second in the pitch blackness I couldn't remember where I was. I actually looked to the left to see if David (An) was in the bed next to me, but all I could see was blackness. Then I remembered I was home in Diamond Bar.

I know this story doesn't seem like much, but after thinking about it for a while, the last time David was in a bed next to me (as opposed to above me or below me) was freshmen year first quarter. To think that a little less than 3 years ago we were freshmen in the sixth college res. halls makes me really sad. Times does pass by quickly.
It definitely was a weird feeling, actually thinking that it was first year... it felt almost dreamyish. Well enough rambling, goodnight.

tossing and turning.

2011-06-09T08:39:00.000-07:00

I hate those nights when I lay in bed tossing and turning, unable to sleep for hours because it seems like there's a war going on inside of my head. Last night was one of those nights. I laid in bed for 3 hours trying to fall asleep, but as soon as I laid down, thoughts started racing around my mind. At the moment, I'm not sure how I should feel, what I should do, there are so many more important things to worry about that I just don't feel like caring... but I do. I'll admit I'm a fool when it comes to matters like this, but to not have learned from my past mistakes I've become worse than a fool. Then again the more I think about it, the more I realize that I deserve these things. They're the result of my actions, my foolishness, and my idiocy.

ME-time

2011-06-01T02:21:00.000-07:00

I was about to sleep and then I realized that I haven't blogged in a while.
If you didn't understand my last post, I have been on a social media/most of the internet fast for the past 30 days. In those 30 days, I felt like I lost a lot of communication with friends from home and even friends that are down here in San Diego. But through this time, God has shown me the importance of me-time. Time where I can spend with myself, and reflect on the things going on in my life. Through these me-times, I've been challenged to be a man of prayer, offering up even the smallest things up to the Lord.

God is good.

Adios.

2011-04-27T00:39:00.001-07:00

this is for myself.

Easter

2011-04-24T00:02:00.000-07:00

10 years ago I was easter egg hunting with my church, looking for those cheap plastic easter eggs filled with m&m's and Reese's pieces

5 years ago I was overnight camping to make sure nobody stole easter eggs and pancake breakfast stuff with my boy scout troop

4 years ago I was baptized on Easter day

Last year I drove all the way back for Good Friday/Easter service with Livingstone

This year, I'm staying in San Diego celebrating with the SD/Harbor fam.

my how things have changed.

Stubborness

2011-04-22T15:59:00.000-07:00

is going into something and knowing that you're going to get hurt in the end, but still going into it anyway.

story of my life.

With much power comes...

2011-04-21T16:11:00.000-07:00

much responsibility.

Today I came to the point where I wished I had never done any of this at all. I think it might've been easier if I just kept with the routine of going back home each weekend.

This quarter has been quite the frustrating one. I've dug myself into a hole so deep that I don't think I can get myself out of. In the past four weeks I've had more disagreements with people, gotten angry at people, made more "enemies", heard crap being talked about me by others.. more than any other time in my entire life.

I might be exaggerating certain things a bit, but that's how I generally feel at the moment. I know I have my shortcomings. I know I've made many mistakes. I know I've slipped. Believe me, I know I'm human.

And in this time of weakness, I remember a prayer I prayed at the end of last quarter.
"Lord, challenge me, test me, try me, break me because... I am too comfortable"

Now, it all makes sense. Sure, I could have skipped all this "drama" if I went back home every week. But I would have missed out on all these strong relationships and friendships that I've built over these few months.

thank you God for listening to my prayer. continue to break me. continue to grow me.

Home sweet Home.

2011-04-18T02:07:00.000-07:00

I miss everything about home. Family, Friends, Church, late night hang outs, sneaking my dogs into my room so I can sleep with them at night, catching up on random e-mailing and work at the hub, midnight walks with the dogs to just think about life, and I even surprisingly miss the long drives to and fro Diamond Bar.

Ever since I've started staying in SD more, I've had more time to do have fun and enjoy life with people here in San Diego. But each time I head back to Diamond Bar, I realize that I miss my community back at home so much. Things are always changing, but yet they seem to stay the same.

The thing I love about home is mostly just the intimacy of friendships. Being able to call up Victor and just hang out in the wee hours of the night, playing pool and talking about life just makes life so... relieving. I love being able to be 100% completely myself without having to worry about my actions.

And the nights where I can just relieve all my thoughts into the night sky while walking my dogs... those are by far my favorite moments. The nights where I just need a break from the world and I just walk with me and my kiddos to wherever, just thinking about life and everything.

Home sweet Home.

Singleness commitment.

2011-04-14T02:44:00.000-07:00

I'm one and a half years into a two year singleness commitment. Even though the road has been quite bumpy from the beginning of the commitment, I realize how much I've grown spiritually and emotionally in this stage of my life.
God has revealed so much more of Him as I search to know and pursue His heart before I pursue any woman's heart.
The sad thing that I came to a realization today is that not many people believe that I could keep such a commitment with the Lord. And then I remembered despite what people think, I do this not for men but for God. I do not do these things to prove to people that I can, but rather so that God can be pleased with my actions.

exhausting

2011-04-11T01:10:00.000-07:00

The past 24 hours have been really physically and mentally draining.
Mafia til 5 am in the morning. Getting 2 hours of sleep. Drove back to SD for church. Softball practice for 2 hours. Quick 1 hour nap. Basketball at rimac. And finally home. Hopefully I get 5 hours of sleep before work then.... my first test tomorrow for korean and I'm so... screwed.

God give me strength.

Slump.

2011-04-07T00:56:00.000-07:00

After a fun day of softball (despite losing our first game), I had a lot to reflect on. One thought led to another and I ended up thinking a lot about my spiritual walk. And the one word that I could sum it all up with is "slump." There's not really much more to say, except that in this slump, I've been lazy, I have pushed my devotionals and prayer times aside for much less meaningful things.
It's time to recheck my priorities.

I miss Kiba.

2011-03-27T01:51:00.000-07:00

Today as I was all packed and ready to leave. I had a staring contest with Kiba in my doorway for about 10 minutes. It's like he knew I was debating if I was going to take him to SD or not...
As I pulled out of my driveway kiba-less, I immediately felt a wave a sadness rushing over me, he was supposed to be in the seat right next to me. My excuse? I had dinner with someone so I couldn't leave him in the car alone (such a dumb excuse...). After an adventurous night with friends, I tiredly walked into my apartment and quickly settled in. When I went to turn off the living room lights, I saw Kiba's cage, door open, and everything where I left it, but it was empty. And immediately I realized how much I miss Kiba.
Despite the hassle of taking him to poo and pee every 5 hours, I miss him so darn much.
I now know that it's not just him that gets super excited and happy when he sees me, but I get super happy when I'm playing with him and when I see him.

One week Kiba... You'll be here in one week.
<3

Spring Break Day 3:

2011-03-24T01:09:00.000-07:00

Today I had the opportunity to spend a lot of time with... people that I've missed dearly.

stop 1:

Room 201 (I think?!?!?) The good ole' best buddies room. Each time I come back I feel like a celebrity, this year's seniors are the freshmen of my senior year, and they all still remember me! Walking in that room, I realize that time passes by way too quickly. When asked for some "wise words," the only thing I could tell them was to enjoy High School cause they'll never have another experience like it. Those were the words I wish someone had spoken to me as a high schooler. I took way too many things too carelessly.
Well, back to Best Buddies, the club has grown in numbers, and the club is doing well and carrying on the legacy of the Hubert era. And they gave me a free Best Buddies 'diamond bar' edition glow in the dark t-shirt! Awesome.

stop 2:

Pho Hana. Everyone says Saigon is the best, but for some reason me and my bro's favorite place to eat together at is pho hana.
I had a really good chance to just hang out with by brother today, and it felt good to just chill and talk.

stop 3:

The Happiest Place on Earth!
Me and my bro went to Disneyland today and I got an annual pass! We went on the buzz lightyear ride and bet Dole Whip to see who could get the highest score. He beat me by 60,000... SIGH.
That was the only ride we went on cause it started raining.

I had a couple more stops... dbhs gym, buffalo wild wings, Hsieh house to catch up with my sisters.
In contrast to yesterday, today was a lot more easier on my body, but I had a lot of opportunity to think and reminisce.

good times.

Today I fought with...

2011-03-23T01:58:00.000-07:00

the mountain:
went boarding today and went all out on a couple runs, and ate it hard. But overall, I did pretty well!

I won.

A badminton birdie:
played against an old teammate. Got creamed.

I lost.

my lawn:
for two hours, it was me and Mr. Black and Decker vs. the forest in my backyard.

before:

and after:

I won.

2 out of 3 battles. Not bad. But I am utterly exhausted.

Final in 10 minutes.

2011-03-17T11:25:00.000-07:00

10 minutes before my last final of this quarter and I get this crazy idea to just blog.

This past finals week has been a lot more different than past ones. No crazy staying up all nighters to study, no late night rigoberto runs, and no endless intake of coffee to keep me up and awake.
I'm not sure why, but it's definitely not because I'm ready. In fact out of the 3 finals that I have, I barely know any of the material. Yet, I feel so at peace with walking in and taking these tests, so confident that whatever grade I get I'll have deserved it in full.

But then theres the other part of me that realizes that in the scope of things, I'm not gonna remember this final. That in the midst of the earthquake and tsunami in Japan, I should feel privileged to even be able to sit in ledden lecture hall and take my next final. Somehow, everything just seems easier and better.

Synthetic Happiness (a term for my next final): Happiness can be created through the way we view things. It's not necessarily what happens but how we perceive and process the world around us that makes us happy or not.

football.

2011-03-04T22:05:00.000-08:00

three and a half months of hard working practice comes down to tomorrow.

It's been a while since I've competed with a team, and today sitting in Starbucks I felt that excitement. Reviewing the plays over and over in my head, memorizing the audibles, thinking about what to eat to get me ready for tomorrow, sleeping at 10 p.m...

Then I realize...
In the end it's just football.

I have to constantly remind myself that I play not for myself but for God and for His glory.

in high school I would recite this before each game (it's long but good):

I am a Christian first and last.
I am created in the likeness of
God Almighty to bring Him glory.
I am a member of Team Jesus Christ.
I wear the colors of the cross.

I am a Competitor now and forever.
I am made to strive, to strain,
to stretch and to succeed
in the arena of competition.
I am a Christian Competitor
and as such, I face my challenger
with the face of Christ.

I do not trust in myself.
I do not boast in my abilities
or believe in my own strength.
I rely solely on the power of God.
I compete for the pleasure of
my Heavenly Father, the honor of Christ
and the reputation of the Holy Spirit.

My attitude on and off
the field is above reproach -
my conduct beyond criticism.
Whether I am preparing,
practicing or playing;
I submit to God's authority
and those He has put over me.
I respect my coaches, officials,
teammates and competitors
out of respect for the Lord.

My body is the temple of Jesus Christ.
I protect it from within and without.
Nothing enters my body that
does not honor the Living God.
My sweat is an offering to my Master.
My soreness is a sacrifice to my Savior.

I give my all - all of the time.
I do not give up. I do not give in.
I do not give out. I am the Lord’s warrior -
a competitor by conviction
and a disciple of determination.
I am confident beyond reason
because my confidence lies in Christ.
The results of my efforts
must result in His glory

Clear eyes. Full Hearts. Can't Lose.

I am blessed.

2011-03-04T15:40:00.000-08:00

Reflecting on last night's homegroup meeting and a comment by one of my dear sisters, I realized how blessed I am.

"Looking at your life YY, it really shows how real God is"

No, this wasn't said because I live an awesome, loving, 100% God-driven life (I wish!). But because up until now, God has definitely revealed himself through the undeserved blessings that He's showered upon me.
Things like getting into UCSD, family situations, even material blessings (like my replaced iphone), the list of miracles goes on and on...
This got me to thinking about the small every day blessings that I take for granted, like awesome friends, the ability to play football (yay! go harbor!), and family that really cares for me.

standards of the (un)holy man.

2011-02-26T09:26:00.000-08:00

"We all have measured ourselves so long by the man next to us we barely can see the standard set by men like Paul or by Jesus Himself." -Verwer

It's so sad, and even worse, it's so true.
Our standard of righteousness, holiness, whatever you want to call it, is falsely determined through the eyes of those immediately and physically around us. We get so caught up and satisfied with reaching other people's standards that we forget about the standards of great men of God, and sadly God himself.

my awesome brother.

2011-02-24T01:35:00.000-08:00

Doing my devotionals with my brother this morning at Starbucks, the first verse that I read made me smile so much:

"Behold, how good and pleasant it is when brothers dwell in unity!" Psalm 133:1

For the good of those who love him.

2011-02-22T02:45:00.000-08:00

And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose. (Romans 8:28 ESV)

Two weeks ago my phone got washed in the washing machine. I didn't realize that until it was halfway through the cycle, and by the time I found out it was too late. At first I was so frustrated at myself... I couldn't believe how careless I could be.
Then I remembered a verse from my morning devotionals:

for we brought nothing into the world, and we cannot take anything out of the world. But if we have food and clothing, with these we will be content. (1 Timothy 6:7-8 ESV)

And it hit me hard. I had come to a place of comfortability, where I relied so much on my material possessions... to the point where God had to take something away.

The first day was unbelievably difficult. I depended so much on texting, yelping, calling... iphone-ing I guess, that it was so difficult to function without my phone.
But after a couple days without my phone, things became real peaceful. No phone calls from people wanting to bother me, no texts from people needing things from me, life became simple. And I really enjoyed it.
A week later I went to the apple store to get my laptop checked up, and decided that it wouldn't hurt to see what they could do with my phone (even though I brought it the day after it broke). I told the genius what happened, and after 10 minutes of waiting, he came out with a brand new phone. He told me he could only do this once, and to not break it again.
I could not believe my eyes and my ears. Yet, even though I was so thankful, I decided to keep it on the lay low. I was really digging this whole not having to be bothered without a phone lifestyle. This past week of easing back into things was good, yet I still miss "not having a phone." But all in all, I have learned my lesson: Not to rely on the things of the world. All things that are needed are provided.

and...
We know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose. (Romans 8:28 ESV)

praise the Lord.

numbness.

2011-02-19T23:43:00.000-08:00

Rubbing a bruise I got this afternoon from football, I just had this thought about numbness...

It really is a funny thing.
There are so many ways to get to this numb feeling:
Being too cold can cause numbness.
Being in too much pain can cause numbness.
Cutting off circulation could cause numbness.

But regardless of how it has become numb, the reality is that what has caused the numbness is still there. Whether it's the pain, the cold, or whatever, it is still there. And the funny thing is, sometimes you want it to be there so you won't have to feel the real pain, but other times you want it to go away so that you can know what's real and what's not.

Sorry if this post sounds really emo... Even though I do feel like I'm at this numb point now, I'm not stressin' or getting too emo. On the contrary, I'm really enjoying this life that God has blessed me with. This past week was pretty tough, but glad I'm finally through with it.

Here I am send me!

2011-02-18T01:57:00.000-08:00

Today, one of my close sisters left for China. After reading the tweet about leaving to LAX, I immediately was hit by an bunch of emotions. Sadness, Happiness, Frustration, Envy, the list can go on and on. I think the biggest thing that was on my heart was jealousy... I was happy that she could go serve at the school that I served at this past summer, but I was so sad that it wasn't me that was going. After a bit of that I immediately felt convicted. Convicted because after a longer than usual PMS (post missions syndrome) I fell back into the normal cycle of life, something that I did not want to happen. I stopped thinking about them, stopped praying for them, stopped talking to them on QQ, and then I just became frustrated at myself for falling into this mindset.
And then immediately after that, I picked up her mission letter and began to read... and as I was reading I was comforted. As badly as I want to just buy a ticket to China right now and leave, I still have my duties as a college student to fulfill. The inside of her mission letter spoke a lot about God's perfect timing. God is so funny..

Love.

2011-02-14T20:18:00.000-08:00

By this all people will know that you are my disciples, if you have love for one another.”
(John 13:35 ESV)

Valentines Day, Singleness Awareness Day, or whatever you want to call it, I had a lot to think about today. No, I'm not one of those bitter people who are single and wish they had a valentine, but neither am I one of those that are so happy with being single cause I'm free from the bondages of... well... having a significant other.
As I called in my students today, 3/4 of my students came in with huge balloons, cupcakes, flowers, and huge smiles on their faces. The way they walked in, you'd think that it was Christmas or the last day of school. It was so funny to see how these high schooler's emotions were satisfied with this definition of "love."And as people get older, flowers alone don't satisfy anymore, it becomes cute thoughtful dates, expensive dinners and what not.
In the midst of these thoughts, it hit me... love, whether in the form of flowers, dinners, or just nice words, was and is not simply for ourselves but to show "all people" that we are disciples of Christ.

And in this, I was challenged, and I hope that you who read this are challenged, to love not for ourselves, but for God. And to love through both our actions, words, and thoughts.

Learning to Love.

2011-02-13T01:07:00.000-08:00

It's so easy, when being punked on or made fun of, to retaliate with some sort of insult (funny or not). But one thing I've been convicted to do is to love on my brothers and sisters. Some people would call it being "weak" or being a "push over," and in many sense that may be quite the truth. But if I won't serve my fellow brothers in Christ and encourage them with loving words, why in the world would I do that to those who have yet to receive the gospel?
I will admit, it's been tough. I've been learning how to bite my tongue, and in times of frustration just learning to give it up to the Lord. It definitely is a work in progress, but God has blessed me with much patience and strength.

God is good.

Children, obey your parents...

2011-02-09T19:09:00.000-08:00

Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. “Honor your father and mother” (this is the first commandment with a promise), “that it may go well with you and that you may live long in the land.”
-Ephesians 6:1-3

You never really appreciate this verse until you get older. During our childhood and early adolescent years it was all about rebelling and doing things "my own way." Using the infamous come back, "you don't know what I'm going through because you're from a different generation." And now as I'm in my third year of college, I'm starting to realize that our parents tend to know us better than ourselves.
Yesterday I got to meet up with my mom after 6 weeks of not seeing her. Chilling at In-n-out for 2 hours talking about relationships, a bit of academics, church things, girls, and the future, I was able to find a lot of peace through her advice. She helped me piece together things that should've been so obvious to me but I was so blind to, and now I finally understand the depth of this verse "that it may go well with you and that you may live long in the land."

Thank you God for an awesome mother.

late night rant.

2011-02-06T04:20:00.000-08:00

I'm not sure what's going on. I'm not sure why I'm like this right now, but I definitely need to get my head screwed on straight. I don't know why I can't seem to be completely normal, I don't know why I keep overthinking, and I don't know why despite everything I'm still clinging onto that which seems unreal.

Friends.

2011-02-04T02:12:00.000-08:00

~taking a quick break from studying to express my joy.

I really love my friends. You know the type of friends that message you to tell you to go home cause they care? Well in the past 30 minutes I've had 3 friends either offering to give me a ride home, or just commanding me to go home and get rest. YOU HAVE NO IDEA HOW HAPPY THAT MADE ME FEEL. Just knowing that I have brothers and sisters that genuinely care for my health and care enough to keep me company through this (soon to be) long and rough night makes me smile and makes my night so much easier.
(I'm gonna go into a bit of a serious mode here)
After spending a long week contemplating about my relationships with friends and family, I came to a conclusion that there is so much work in this area of my life that needs to be done. Realizing this, my time and energy is (hopefully) going to be revamped from certain relationships to others. Investing in these friendships that matter, at this point in time, I hope to bring the glory to God in this season.

to you guys and girls (you know who you are), thank you so much. I seriously love you all.

Stars.

2011-02-02T00:36:00.000-08:00

As I rode my bike back from campus, I couldn't help but notice the stars that were shining so brightly this beautiful night in San Diego.
After a day filled with a lot of thinking and reflecting about life and decisions, it's reassuring to look up into the vastness and beauty of space and remember that these trials are not for nothing but for the glory of our creator.

A cold night in San Diego.

2011-02-01T02:57:00.000-08:00

Today as I stood in the streets of the downtown San Diego a couple thoughts ran through my head. I noticed how my fingers felt like they were frozen, and thought to myself how I needed to buy warmer shoes so that next time I stood out in the cold, my toes wouldn't feel like they would freeze off. And then I looked up, and saw the irony of these thoughts.
Across from me stood Albert and Mike, Albert the big white guy in a tough looking leather jacket and Mike the scrawny looking one, yet probably the happiest guy that I've ever met. The trashbag covered cart, their smell, their eagerness to receive the water and sandwiches that we made, each part of their appearance made known to the outside world that they were homeless. And while I stood thinking about how cold I was 15 minutes after getting out of my car, I knew I was stupid to think about myself when these guys LIVED out in the cold 24/7.

I was out in downtown San Diego doing homeless ministry with InterVarsity; we passed out PB&J sandwiches, turkey and cheese sandwiches, and water. After all the food and water was gone, I had the opportunity to talk to these two guys who seemed to want the company more than they wanted our food. As I eavesdropped the testimony of Mike, the guy who was so filled with the joy of the Lord, who trusted God with everything, and was rewarded by (God's grace) having the chance to reconnect with his daughter in Philadelphia after 18 years, through a family that took him in for a couple weeks. And as I journeyed through the life of Albert, who was a catholic who questioned his catholic faith, who wasn't cut out for college (ohio state), who found Jesus in a drug house, and who turned away from drugs by spending a weeklong retreat at a motel with the gideon Bible. Two men, getting serious for the Lord, in the streets of San Diego scraping by through the provision of the Lord.

It broke my heart, seeing these two solid men who've made a few mistakes in their life on the street. These guys have more heart than half the people I know (myself included), and still they are the ones on the street. Obviously God put them there because He knew they could handle it, but it still does seem quite a bit unfair.
Aside from all this whining or whatever it is, God reminded me about something that I've long forgotten. He showed me the beauty of being content with the life that God gave us. Not to be mistaken for being complacent in where we stand in our spiritual lives, but rather satisfied with the abilities, the people, and the things He has graciously and mercifully provided for us. And not just to be satisfied but to also make the most of that which He's given us.

The story doesn't end there, there's quite a bit of a nice ending to out meeting with these guys. The family that took in Mike bought him a round trip ticket to see his daughter and 2 year old granddaughter in Philadelphia. And Albert is taking classes at a school in downtown San Diego to build his own website to start up a business. Two men searching for God, with two different stories, ended up in the same place to bless us on this cold winter night.

IV does this twice a year (or twice a quarter I forget), but I think I'm willing to do this every couple weeks if anyone in SD is down. Make a couple sandwiches, buy a case of water, and just bring down a heart of love.

"What good is it, my brothers, if someone says he has faith but does not have works? Can that faith save him? If a brother or sister is poorly clothed and lacking in daily food, and one of you says to them, "Go in peace, be warmed and filled," without giving them the things needed for the body, what good is that? So also faith by itself, if it does not have works, is dead."
-James 2:14-17

Communion.

2011-01-30T23:14:00.000-08:00

Today at Harbor we took communion.

"this is my body, broken for you, do this in remembrance of me"
So many times I find myself only remembering the cross and His death during these once a month communion times. I realized that these are even more dangerous than those once a month "revival" praise nights where the fire and passion lasts only for a day or sometimes (more optimistically) a week, these communions take root deeper and seem to be more "genuine", yet they cause the same effect and are ultimately worse because we have made ourselves to think we are more "holier." Words are spoken, and plans to live it out for the Lord are made, but the actions seldom come through.

"this cup is the new covenant in my blood; do this, whenever you drink it, in remembrance of me"
An even worse habit is the habit of taking the blood of Christ for granted. As a child, each night I prayed "God, please forgive my sins," not really understanding the depth of that prayer. But now, I've come to a point where I usually pray it during these communion sessions. After thinking about it for quite a bit, I've reached two possible answers, either I've lost the sense of urgency to ask God for His forgiveness of my sins, or I think I am good and "holy" (oh how I hate saying that) enough to ask the Lord for it once a month. I cannot decide which of the two is worse, but one thing I do know is that I need to get back that heart and childlike faith that I once had.

As I sat there in that high school auditorium and prepared my heart to take the bread and the wine, I realized how out of order my priorities are. I realized that I've been hiding behind a curtain, thinking that my 6 a.m. devotionals, my time spent in the prayer room, and my spur of the moment worship times would justify all of my misplaced priorities. How wrong I was...

After taking the bread and the wine, I felt filthy. My priorities were focused on pleasing people, whether it was pleasing my mom with my grades, pleasing my friends with my words and actions, and just pleasing people in general. I have strayed so far as to ditch my home responsibilities for the sake of football. It's true that I'm not the person that I used to be, and there's nothing wrong with that, but reflecting today made me realize that I'm not satisfied and definitely not happy with where I'm headed.

In Christ alone my hope is found
He is my light, my strength, my song
This Cornerstone, this solid ground
Firm through the fiercest drought and storm
What heights of love, what depths of peace
When fears are stilled, when strivings cease
My Comforter, my All in All
Here in the love of Christ I stand

In Christ alone, who took on flesh
Fullness of God in helpless babe
This gift of love and righteousness
Scorned by the ones He came to save
'Til on that cross as Jesus died
The wrath of God was satisfied
For every sin on Him was laid
Here in the death of Christ I live

And when we sang "In Christ Alone" after communion, my heart totally broke and I couldn't hold it back any longer. I started to cry, no, sob would be the right word. My knees buckled and I just let the tears flow; I felt so ashamed of my sins, my ignorance, my childishness, my naiveness, and most of all my pride. It has honestly been a while since I've came before the Lord like today, a broken piece of nothing, but it felt so good and refreshing after.

I'm praying that it will not end there. His death and His blood will not be taken for granted anymore, and I refuse to go on a spiritual high for a week, I demand change. In the course of this week I'll pray for a way to fast and pray and live out the beauty of our salvation.

God is good.

24 Hours

2011-01-28T03:51:00.000-08:00

I've been up for 24 hours, but it has possibly been one of the best days of this quarter.
From a 4 a.m. bike ride to campus to study for my midterm, to late night basketball til 2 a.m. and probably one of the most intense and complete Friday Night Lights episodes of this season, I'm utterly exhausted.

Thank you God for taking me through today. Clear eyes, Full hearts, Can't lose.

Leather Project.

2011-01-25T14:13:00.000-08:00

Alright ladies and gents. It has been a while since I've picked up my leather tools and started working on things. To be quite honest I haven't expanded on my abilities as much as I would've liked, and I'm hoping that over these next few weeks I'll be able to do a lot.

The reason being for this is that I'm thinking about picking up a new hobby. Photography. And since I'm broke right now, I really need to raise money to buy the camera.

So I encourage you to challenge me! Shoot me an e-mail at nyc.malayzn@gmail.com with something that you have in mind and I'll do my best to make it! And because I've found a nice leather store in SD, I'm hoping that I'll get in some nice thicker leather, and maybe learn to dye leather.

For now I'm going to set a price list on the right side. Yes, I'm going to have a set price list just because it'll make things easier (extra tips are welcome :D)

And I'll update the blog on various projects that I'm in the process of and what not.

Please support me! Thanks.
YY

A Manner Worthy

2011-01-11T10:37:00.000-08:00

"I therefore urge you to walk in a manner worthy of the calling to which you have been called, and with all humility and gentleness, with patience, bearing with one another in love, eager to maintain the unity of the Spirit in the bond of peace." - Ephesians 4:1-3

Yesterday night, I was reminded of how easy it is to walk a Christ-centered life when things are good and dandy. I re-realized how its so natural for us to act like good Christians in the midst of our not-so-close friends and church. But when things get hard, when push comes to shove, when we're in the midst of our family, that's when the real test begins.

Bearing- The level to which something bad can be tolerated.

Bearing with one another in love, is not something that needs to be done when things are easy, but rather when things are bad. When you have to bite your tongue, and refrain from saying things you'll regret (no matter how true, or how right you are), that is when you are walking in a manner worthy of the calling.

Just when I thought things were going good, life takes an unexpected turn, and suddenly I'm thrown into chaos.

Humility, gentleness, patience, and love. Give me these Lord.

Meet Kiba.

2011-01-07T04:06:00.000-08:00

The past 7 months have been amazing. Well... not really. Raising this kid from his puppy years, picking up his poo, cleaning up his pee, playing with him on Warren field, and taking him to get his shots, has all been one crazy experience.
I've been taught how to be patient, how to discipline, and most of all how to unconditionally love. Even though he's been a pain in the butt many of the time, Kiba is one awesome dog.
This quarter he's down in SD with me, and with our 6 a.m. morning runs, schedule feedings, and the constant thinking about him wherever I go feels good. I want to be able to raise him up to be good, well behaved, and so I pour out everything I have for him, money, time, efforts, energy.
I'm sure taking care of him doesn't compare to having a real child, but I think it's given me a glimpse of what it means to genuinely care about someone or something, and it makes me extremely happy.

Here's a pic of Kiba at the tide pools today!

Forgetfulness.

2010-12-29T02:53:00.000-08:00

During devotionals today, I was reading Psalm 78; the story of my life.

In the 72 verses of this psalm, the tale of forgetfulness is told. It talks about the people of God who, despite seeing the miraculous and wonderful works of the Lord, continue to fall away from Him. Even though they saw the waters parting, manna coming from the sky, and water springing from rocks in the wilderness, they continue to sin "still more against him."And it always takes a hard fall and the "wrath of God" to bring his people back to Him, and even then "...they flattered him with their mouths; they lied to him with their tongues. Their heart was not steadfast toward him; they were not faithful to his covenant." (v.36-37).

This has absolutely convicted me. Yes, I'm guilty of always forgetting the goodness of God, and many times replacing Him with the idols of friendships, football, and even my ministries. Maybe it's time to start back at square one, to remember the goodness of God in everything and to glorify Him with each part of my life.

"He remembered that they were but flesh, a wind that passes and comes not again"
We get one chance to live our life, lets not forget that.

Walking by the Spirit.

2010-12-26T23:39:00.000-08:00

It's funny how when we reach the end of each year, we think to ourselves that it was the best year of memories and growth in our entire lives, only to think the same thing the next year.
With the last days of 2010 on count down, I've had quite a bit of time to reflect on this past year. With the usual ups and downs of the typical year, and the memories held to the year twenty-ten, I'm thankful for where God has taken me. Even though I can't say for certain that I've reached my life's lowest this past year, I can definitely see the the redemption by God's grace and mercy in my life.
I was reading in my devotionals today, in the book of Galatians chapter 5:
"walk by the Spirit, and you will not gratify the desires of the flesh...but the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control"
I came to the realization of how poorly I've been walking "by the Spirit" and how easily I fall into the sins of pride.
I asked the Lord to challenge me this break, and up until now, it's seemed like a walk in the park. But now... I'm definitely being challenged, I want to do the right thing the right way, but it's just too unclear.

Sorry... I know this post has been all over the place. But please pray for me!

Winter break!

2010-12-10T04:44:00.000-08:00

Whew, another quarter gone by just like that. I'm excited for this break for many reasons, one being that I can spend time with my family. Staying down in SD a lot more this quarter, I miss chilling with my brother, my mom, and especially my dogs. Another thing I'm looking forward to is getting to hang out with home friends, because I feel like I've distanced myself a lot these past few months, and I'm looking forward to catching up with people. But the biggest thing that I am looking forward to is being challenged in my walk with the Lord.

I want to be challenged to go deeper.

Mission minded

2010-11-30T03:29:00.000-08:00

I want a girl thats mission minded.

Someone who has a heart for the lost. Someone who is down to get out of her comfort zone. Someone who is willing to go when she's called.

Letter to a friend.

2010-11-24T21:09:00.002-08:00

(Sorry if this post sounds emo or whatevs, I'm just venting about a small frustration in my life at the moment)

Even in these times when I am not in the mood for building relationships, I have really tried to get to know you better. Unfortunately, as much as I've tried and even put myself out there, I've only made myself feel like an idiot. Given that you are busy and what not, I just get this feeling that you don't care about our relationship as friends, so I'm going to stop initiating. Expecting that things have changed throughout these past years, I really thought we could have been close friends. No, (anybody thats reading this) I don't have feelings for this person. It's not that I don't care about you anymore, it's just that I don't want to make the effort. And the ironic thing is that all this time you had me fooled into thinking that you actually cared.

Crazy and desperate as this post might sound, I'm only posting it here cause theres a 99% chance you won't read this. Hopefully one day we'll be able to have an honest conversation with each other and get to know each other better. Until then, I'm just going to chill with friends that legitly seem to care about me as a friend. Needless to say, I'm pretty frustrated at how things are at the moment, but I'll live. God has definitely given me a lot of peace about this situation so hopefully I'll see you around.

Self-Sufficient.

2010-11-13T00:27:00.000-08:00

Tonight I went to a David Crowder praise night.
God definitely spoke to me today as I stood there and sang the lyrics of each of the songs that were played. And although most of these songs were songs I've been singing since I saw him live at Fresh 2005, the lyrics continued to hit me hard. I was getting it left and right, and God was smacking a whole lot of sense into me. As I continued to worship, I started to feel like I've felt the feeling before. It felt like the praise nights of HoC of old. The times where we would sing all out, dance all out, shout all out, and the Spirit of the Lord would be there. The times where I would feel rejuvenated after a long month of serving. The times where I could kneel on the floor, cry on the floor, and pray until I had nothing left to pray. As I drove back to San Diego, I questioned myself, "what happened?"
The problem, I concluded, came from myself. After graduating High School, after being in "leadership" for so many years, I became self-sufficient. Or so I thought. The fuel that I ran on continued to drain and drain, and even my desperate attempts of refilling myself would give me at most 1 weeks worth of spiritual energy. I tricked myself into thinking that I was self-sufficient. I had deceived myself, and all the while I was melting away from the inside out.
I got sense knocked into me today. It's time to cut the foolishness. No more messing around.

thank you Lord.

The Interview.

2010-11-10T01:12:00.000-08:00

After a week of contemplating whether or not I should blog about this, and I've decided why not.

Exactly 1 week ago I had an interview that I was nervous as heck to go to. I've had a couple interviews for several jobs for past jobs that were easy peasey lemon squeezy, but this one was legit. I had a phone interview that caught me by surprise one morning right when I woke up, and then an e-mail with things that I should know before the interview. I spent a couple hours looking at their website, memorized the mission statement of the organization, and knew everything that I needed to know for the interview. I woke up spot on time, had all of my documents ready, and everything seemed to be going good... until I hit a bit of traffic, I got there 10 minutes late, and was praying that I would have a lenient interviewer... turns out, she was late too. So as I sat in the office waiting, I went over possible questions: Why do you want this job? What makes you qualified? Tell me about your past experiences., the list goes on and on. After filling out paperwork, the interview process began, and surprisingly, the nervousness melted away.
Question after question, she would ask them, and I would have an answer ready for her. Eye contact, check. sitting straight, check. Confidence, check. It went so smoothly, I nailed each question with ease. Until she got to one question... "What are your weaknesses?" I was stuck. I drew a blank. I stuttered and asked for a second to think... I had placed myself up there, with past experiences, building on my strengths, that no matter what I said it would conflict with something that I had built up as a strength. I didn't know what to say, so I just said that I have a tendency to be shy when I first meet people... yeah. total BS. After that question, I picked it up again and started to nail down each question again. And praise the Lord I got the job.
But despite my overwhelming happiness of getting the job on the spot, that moment stuck with me. Am I so prideful that I cannot even name a weakness of mine?

Good God, please break this prideful heart. Take me to that secret place. Bring me to my knees, and captivate my heart.

Somewhere where I belong...

2010-11-04T02:12:00.000-07:00

So many times things don't feel right. I don't feel like I'm in the right place. I don't feel like I'm in the right school, I don't feel like I'm in the right class, I don't feel like I'm in the right ministries, I don't feel like I'm in the right house, I don't feel like I have the friends that I really desire, I don't feel like I know what I want, I don't feel like anything is right.

And the ironic thing is that I don't have the right to say any of this... despite all of these feelings, I have been sloppy with my daily devotions, sometimes seemingly nonexistent, but sometimes spending hours just worshipping. More often the former rather than the latter, I once again become that man that looks in the mirror and remembers how much God has blessed me beyond anything what I deserve.

And I'm at this point in my life where I don't hear God's voice, not because it isn't there but because I'm not actively pursuing Him or even giving Him the time of day to listen. I catch myself deciding between watching House on my recorded DVR and doing my devotions.

Things must change.

"So I await the words that you say."

The Cravings of a somewhat honest man.

2010-10-24T23:33:00.000-07:00

I crave the desire to pursue God with everything that I am.
   This quarter has been a blur. Classes are the same, days just turn into routine, and I fall into the trap that deceives my mind in being complacent with a simple prayer and reading a short devotional. I want more. I want to pursue God.

I crave the willingness to put aside anything that is not God glorifying.
   5 seasons of Friday Night Lights, countless nights of Halo, hours spent on facebook... in summary idleness... I get so caught up in my own self-satisfying fleshly desires that I easily forget about bringing glory to God.

I crave the strength to stand up as a man after God's own heart.
     And yet through all of these things, God has given me the strength to push through everything. God has given me immense, and immeasurable strength to overcome so many obstacles. But I want more. I want the strength to do encourage others, I want the strength to bless others, I want the strength to live in a lifestyle that God is calling me towards.

I crave for things to go right.
   I guess the downside of this craving is that my right can be different from God's right. I just want my cravings to align with the desires of God.

God has been doing a lot in me these past weeks, and I have been learning a lot. But quite frankly, I'm not satisfied with myself. I want more to be done, and I want to see things be accomplished. I'm tired. I'm worn out. But I'm ready for work to be done. "Here I am, send me..."

Lord let Your Glory Fall.

on my ankles and knee.

2010-10-19T00:17:00.000-07:00

After an intense week of physical activities (last week). My left knee and both ankles started hurting, and I would find myself limping on my way to class. So I finally got around to getting it checked up... and what do you know, runners knee and minorly sprained ligaments in my ankles.
The doc. told me that I should be resting for 3-6 weeks with little to none stress on my ankles and knee. She gave me exercises to do, and instructions on how to treat it and rehabilitate it into ship shape.
In all honesty, I've been pretty bummed. And I know it's not like I lost my legs or anything, but I have a small glimpse of what it means to be appreciative of what God has given us and our abilities.
And now thinking about what I'll be doing these next few weeks, I guess it's good cause I can use time I normally use for sports to catch up on readings, devotionals, and school work. And who knows maybe I can start working on my throwing game =x and upperbody stuff.

爱因为在心中

2010-10-14T13:18:00.000-07:00

我在听者艘歌的时候，很想着我的学生。很想着我在中国的时候。我真的要回去看他们，很想要跟他们大篮球，教他们英语，当他们的朋友，跟他们一起唱歌。 Aiyo.
This year is different, even after two months of being back, I still talk to my students and my CCVs. And when I listen to these chinese songs I can't help but think of everything that happened in the month that I was in 四川. It sometimes feels like a movie, I go into these flashbacks, and I get really sad.
Everything has fallen back into routine, the school, church, homegroup, not that things are routine, but life has gone back to "normal" but now it doesn't feel so normal anymore. Don't get me wrong, I still enjoy serving in these ministries, but sometimes it just feels so... unreal. I don't want to be living a comfortable life.

Here's the song：http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YsxxpScs12g

and lyrics:

当我睁开双眼每一天
Everyday, when I open my eyes,

都会记得大家的笑脸
I will remember everyone's smiling faces.

明白心中勇敢又多了一点
I will understand that I have grown a little braver in my heart,

曾经哭泣也会看不见
And the once crying spells would be seen no more.

未来总会有别的喜悦
The future will always bring other pleasant surprises.

就让时间翻开崭新的一页
So let time turn over a brand new chapter,

你的音符你的脸
Your notes, your face,

有种无声的语言
Possess a kind of soundless language.

教我不退缩要坚持著信念
It teaches me not to retreat, but hang on to my beliefs.

用音符画一个圈
Using a musical notation to draw a circle,

经过都会被纪念
Thus all that has passed will be remembered.

我想爱永远会留在你心间
I wish to remain forever in the space of your heart.

每个人都拥有一个梦
Mei ge ren dou yong you yi ge meng
Everyone has a dream.

即使彼此不相同
Ji shi bi ci bu xiang tong
Even if our dreams are different,

能够与你分享
Neng gou yu ni fen xiang
Being able to share them with you,

无论失败成功都会感动
Wu lun shi bai cheng gong dou hui gan dong
Would move me regardless of whether it is a success or failure -

爱因为在心中
Ai yin wei zai xin zhong
Because love is in the heart.

平凡而不平庸
Ping fan er bu ping yong
It is ordinary, but not prosaic.

世界就像迷宫
Shi jie jiu xiang mi gong
The world is like a maze,

却又让我们此刻相逢
Que you rang wo men ci ke xiang feng our home
But it let us get to know each other.

伤心时你会给我笑脸
When sad, you would bring a smile to my face,

让我感受友爱的原点
And let me feel the origin of friendship's love.

快乐地过有风有雨的岁月
Happily, we passed by the years of struggles,

失望和伤心在所难免
Where disappointment and sadness is inevitable.

都会经历漫长的严寒
We'd all pass through long spells of frosty depressing.

让这一切在我们心中沉淀
Let this sink down in our heart.

用旋律写张信签
Using a vortex to write a bookmark,

放入你的心褃面
And put it in your heart.

手牵手记录我们爱的和弦
Hand in hand, recording the chords that we love.

用音符画一个圈
Use a musical notation to draw a circle,

经过都会被纪念
To ensure all that has passed will be remembered.

我想爱永远会留在你心间
I think love will forever remain in your heart.

Bleh. I should get on studying. Back to reality.

The Hub.

2010-09-16T23:59:00.000-07:00

So yesterday I realized something so important that totally opened my eyes to things that I have completely forgotten, and have been blinded from for quite some time.
Yesterday, I was at the L.A. County Fair with some old friends from chinese school that I used to go to back when I was in elementary school. And when we separated to get our foods, I had time to just think to myself... I realized that this scene that I was in... from the drinking of alcohol, to the excessive profanity, to the no group prayers before we ate... I was out of place.
It's not that I felt uncomfortable, I mean, that's kind of how my dorming experience was. But for a summer hang out? I should be hanging out at the Hub and be doing something "productive." It reminded me of when I was younger, I had such a huge heart for these specific friends, I would pray for them everyday, I would remember to pray for them even more than I prayed for my dad. And it just.... died. I moved away, and I just forgot I guess. And that made me realize how pathetic I am.

I, subconsciously, justified my lack of prayer and reaching out to friends, by placing myself in ministries. By "serving" the church through leading small groups, leading worship, etc. And I now see how stupid I am. After last night, I see how worth it is, yeah I spend a lot more money hanging out and a fair rather than the hub, but if those extra couple bucks can be spent for the sake of the Gospel, then so be it.

Truth be told, I felt like crap. I was so blind to the fact that God has blessed me with many opportunities to fellowship with my friends, and I take it all for granted.

"God, give me the strength to spread your Gospel. Give me your eyes so i can see Your heart for the people around me."

No, this doesn't mean I won't be at the hub anymore. I still love the hub as a place where I can actually get work done. But I think this does mean I'll be doing a lot less hanging out at the hub.

Out of the teens

2010-09-13T01:36:00.000-07:00

Well, it's been a bloody long time since I've written in the blog, although I've been meaning to for a long time...
I just want to thank everyone that celebrated/helped contribute to celebrating my birthday this year. This year definitely topped my other years of celebration, well I guess I'm usually used to a simple dinner and hanging out. But starting with a scavenger hunt in Merced (thanks gaiz). And then to the hanging out with Christine, and then others for bfast, lunch, dinner, and all the stuff in between. I wanna let you guys know that I was really touched by it, even the caking part (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=R3vWDzcd6J4).

This past year has one where I've grown tremendously. God has taken me over trials, and into a new mindset. He's blessed me with many brothers and sisters that have continued to bless me over and over. And He's given me a passion and heart for people, stronger than I've ever anticipated.
Goodness, 20 sounds old. But I know that this upcoming year God is going to challenge me even harder and grow me even more.

The biggest lesson going out of my teens? Well I guess it came the week before my birthday. God taught me, and is continuing to teach me about the importance of self-identity. And that it is so necessary to know where I stand with the Lord, why I stand with the Lord, why I struggle with the things that I do, whY i believe the things I do, etc.

My prayer for this year? David said it in Psalm 26:2
"Test me, O Lord, and try me; examine my heart and my mind"

I want to be pure before the Lord. I want to be able to pray this prayer being confident that what God finds in me is pleasing to His eyes.

China 2010.

2010-08-18T01:52:00.000-07:00

It's 1 a.m. and although I'm tired as heck, I still end up tossing and turning on the sofa not being able to sleep. Each night since the end of the summer camp at our school has ended up with me waking up at least 3 times, and me having trouble sleeping. It's really quite annoying.
Tonight instead of trying to fight this feeling I'm going to just use this opportunity to share with each of you part of my experience of this year's trip.
This year was a lot more different than the past two years that I've went. Different province, different schools, different people, different CCVs, different kids, different everything. I was worried about how things would turn out, it seemed like all of these things would just hinder our ability to spread the gospel.
The first week was somewhat horrendous, I was busy out of my mind and entropy was obviously taking it's course through our team. It took a much needed talk about how we need to be a family for the next 3 weeks if we want to do this for the kids and do it right. The first week passed by in slow motion, the one week dragged on to seem like a month.
The second week was a lot better, I was able to spend more time with the kids and less with logistics. By then, I still had all the burden of leadership on my back that didn't allow me to do as much with the kids as I would have liked. This second week I was able to coach a basketball team, and bond a lot with some kids from one of my classes. The second week passed by really quickly. And after a couple much needed talks about how I need to spread out my responsibilities to my Vice Principals, I decided to do just that.
The third week passed by too quickly. There were many opportunities for ministry and evangelizing, and praise the Lord so many souls were saved in the last week. And bonding with these kids, I was able to become more than just their English teacher, but their friend.
There is so much that happened in between, but if I were to write everything, you would be reading for hours on end.
To sum it up: This year was probably the most amazing year that I've had serving in Thanksgiving Action. This year, on my way back I've had to fight tears more than any other time. This year, I've had to learn the importance of unity and love. This year, I realize how desperate people are for Love.
I wasn't sure about saying this before, but I'm going back to China next year. During our last teachers meeting, God placed on my heart the same burden that I would be going back.
If you want to know more details, then come and ask me :) Let's hang out. I've missed you guys and gals.
Praise the Lord for an awesome missions trip.
God is good.

Unity

2010-07-17T07:48:00.001-07:00

We have safely arrived in China!!! In the midst of prepping, chilling, watching intense videos, worshipping, leading small groups, etc. God has really blessed me with a wonderfully unified team. To be blatantly honest, I was a bit worried on the clash of personalities, and the unintentional stepping on toes and getting on each others nerves. But, so far we are doing an awesome job as a team.

I'm blessed by their willingness to just do things without questioning. I'm blessed by their willingness to just eat together even with conflicting interests. I'm so blessed with their submissive attitude when I say we are going to do something.

These next two days will be free time for us to get even closer and to have time to train, pray, and share with each other. Please continue to pray for us and for God to continue keep our attitudes in check.

I will update as soon as possible!!

God Bless,

Lift off in 1.

2010-07-13T14:54:00.000-07:00

Showering with warm water.
Eating Mexican food.
Playing with my dogs.
Hanging with church friends.
Walking around the beach.
6 way webcamming on oovoo.
Driving my SUV.
Sitting at the hub.

All things that I can only do in America. Well, not really but I forsure won't be able to do it while I'm on missions for the next month. Showering this morning I just realized that even though I'm okay with cold showers, pest infested beds, meatless food, and lots of walking through the mountains, I'm going to miss all of this comfortableness.

With a lot of people asking how I'm feeling about leaving, I guess I'll spill my thoughts here...
A couple months ago, I would've said I'm dying to leave. I'm dying to get away from all this "stuff" in my life. I'm ready to leave this comfort-zone, many of you would call it life, to get to a place where nothing but the simplicity of life can satisfy. Since coming back from China last year, so many things have happened, so much change that I feel like I need a breather.

A month ago, I would've told you that I'm kinda nervous. A tad bit nervous on my ability to lead this years team. I was so worried about my ability to lead a chinese missions team, that I really forgot about the purpose in all of it. But nonetheless I was still anxious to leave.

2 weeks ago, after my church retreat, I saw a change in my perspective. I came to the point where I realized that despite my insecurities of leading the team, despite all my wrong reasons for going on missions (to get away from home), that I was going on missions for the Lord and with the goal of doing His will in China.

This past week I realized how much I'll miss home. I'm at the point where I want to stay home so I can minister to friends, my momm, and especially church family.

Put simply, I'm very conflicted. I mean, regardless of what I feel or what I don't feel I'm still going. But there are just so many things running around my head that I'm worried I'll easily lose focus.

So please pray for me, to realize that God's plan would be my plan. That God's heart, would be my heart. And that God would just give me the heart of compassion for the mission field that I will be embarking on in less than 40 hours.

Paul Han.

2010-07-02T00:52:00.000-07:00

I haven't ever done two posts in the same hour, let alone in a day.
But after a short but sweet conversation, and after a somewhat emo-ish toned post. I sure have to say the Lord has blessed me enough to let me sleep with a smile tonight.

YY Liew

GTalk

12:44

Paul!

Paul

GTalk

12:44

ＨＩ

YY Liew

GTalk

12:44

how are you?

Paul

GTalk

12:45

preparing leaving school